A Little girl allegedly overdosed at my house this weekend and I'm feeling like crap.

I'm sorry for posting this. But I just need some feed back and I don't really know where to go. I haven't had a good night's sleep in over two days. I just throw things around the room and scream at myself. I just feel so fucking guilty.<br><br>A little background: I'm a casual user. I'm 27 and use heroin on weekends. I generally do about 1g per weekend. I have a job and function. I know it's not good for me but I just can't seem to give it up completely. I'm working on it. <br><br>Now for the story: <br><br>Saturday was just a chill day, I did a little more then usual and got pretty drunk. I woke up in a panic and couldn't find my phone. I looked around my whole apartment and found that someone had called me at 3 am and I didn't even wake up. I assumed they would call back but no one did. So I texted my dealer and asked if someone had called at 3 asking for me. He said a young girl called and said she was in town for the weekend (I live in a touristy beach town) and wanted to come over. <br><br>So I get her number and text her asking if she still wanted to come over. She said yes and I gave her my address. <br><br>I was pretty out of it at this point but when the doorbell rang I let her in and we did a little shot. I gave her .1 and did .2 or .3 myself (I don't usually do full grams so it's not like I'm giving away my stash). We were just chatting and watching tv. Then at one point I go to the kitchen and I hear the tv shut off. When I come back she is on the floor, blue, and not breathing. <br><br>I panic. I try to give her Narcan in her nostril but she still doesn't come to. I was in full blown panic at this point. I didn't know what to do. I find a vein and give her the rest of the Narcan but she still doesn't come to. <br><br>I have never experienced anyone overdosing. So I don't know how long I should wait. I didn't want to call the cops cuz they would take her to jail after she came to. I didn't know what to do so I rolled her on her side and sat with her for a few minutes. I'm still in full panic. I'm talking to her and trying to get her to come to. <br><br>I slowly get up and go to the kitchen to get a knife. I come back over her and I stab her in the leg with the knife. At this point I'm just trying to do anything to get her to come to. She slowly starts to come to, she's groggy, and talking a little. I help her up and put her on the couch. <br><br>I go into the kitchen and get a wet washcloth. I wet her face with the washcloth and she slowly comes to. She's talking and seems to be fine. I go and get her purse and ask if she needs anything. I tell her to call someone to come get her. I don't know what else to do. <br><br>I'm still in a panic at this point and just want her to get the fuck out. I tell her to call someone to come get her and she just lays on the couch. After a few minutes I'm losing my mind so I call an Uber for her without asking. When it gets there I help her outside and into the car. <br><br>She's still pretty groggy. I tell her to call someone to come get her and I shut the door. I go back inside and just lose my shit. I'm screaming and throwin shit through the room. <br><br>The next day I get a call from a blocked number and it's her mom. Apparently she didn't make it home and when they found her she was dead. I just started crying. I tried to explain that I did everything I could to save her but her mom just kept asking why I didn't call 911. I told her that I was on drugs and I didn't want her to go to jail. She just kept repeating "you should have called 911!" <br><br>I feel like I could have done more. What else could I have done? I don't know. I just feel like I killed someone. I have never been in a situation like this. I just want to die. I keep seeing her laying on the floor and I can't get it out of my head.