My students make fun of how I look. I have cried about it at work.

I need some advice on how to speak with my principal and school counselor. I work in a predominantly white, middle class, suburban area. I’m an English as a second language teacher. I’m brown. I come from a poor, minority background. I worked hard for this. Nobody in my immediate family graduated high school. Both my parents are addicts. My dad’s in jail and my mom is dead. I’m the first in my family to finish school and break the cycle of addiction. <br><br>When I was growing up, I used to get made fun of for how I smelled, how big my ears were, how I wore the same outfits over and over because I didn’t have enough clothes. I was embarrassed when I had to use my food stamp card or when I had to lie about why I wasn’t celebrating my birthday that year because my family didn’t have money. <br><br>As a teacher, I’m seeing all of this play out in front of me right now. One of my students, his dad just went to jail. Two have parents who are addicts. One has parents who are divorced. One has parents who are trying to make it work but lay off employees to make ends meet. Two are new in the country and are learning a new language. <br><br>I went to school and then I got a second job. For a while, I had a third job too. I worked hard to get here. <br><br>I’m disappointed that my students see me and they make fun of me. I look different from them. I have curly black hair. Brown skin. Big eyes. Full lips. I have all of my teeth, but they’re not perfect. I have freckles across my cheeks and nose. I don’t dress like the other teachers do. I don’t have the money to wear nice clothes. I have to perform in a way that is just as good as the other teachers. I don’t make as much as the other teachers do, because I don’t have seniority and I’m still a temporary employee. But my classes are just as well run. My students just as well behaved. My scores are just as high. <br><br>I walk through the halls and my students will laugh and say, “Eww, Ms. [Last Name], your hair looks frizzy.” “You look tired and ugly today.” “Can you smile? You look creepier when you’re frowning.” “Are you sure you’re old enough to be a teacher? You look like a high schooler.” <br><br>Sometimes it’s not just my students but also the other teachers. They make comments about my hair. About how I talk. Some of them will mimic me in front of my students, which makes me feel ashamed and small. <br><br>I cried in front of a student last week. My student had been threatening to shoot up the school and he told me he was serious this time. I was trying to de-escalate the situation and my principal was taking too long to come to get him. I didn’t want him to do something he’d regret. I sat next to him and put a hand on his back, which was a mistake, and he told me not to touch him. I apologized and said, “I can’t do this right now. I’m not okay.” He looked at me and he said, “You’re going to be okay, right? You’re a teacher. Why would you be upset?” <br><br>And that just made me cry more. Because I’m not okay. I’m not okay because we’ve been through active shooter training but that training doesn’t prepare you for the real thing. Because I have students who are going hungry at home and they come to me for food. Because I have students who are being beaten at home and they come to me for safety. Because I have students who are learning to navigate a system that wasn’t built for them. <br><br>I’m not fine. I cried in front of him and he hugged me. <br><br>I’m not fine and my students see that. I don’t know what to say or do. I feel like I’m drowning in this. I feel like I’m barely holding on. I don’t know how to make this better. <br><br>Please, any advice would be so appreciated.