I just realized I am not interested in having children with my husband anymore.

I am 31 years old, and my husband is 37 years old. We have been dating since we were 21/27 respectively. We got married one year ago. We recently bought a house. We have always talked about having a kid (or two). We have a plan for where I’d go to college and when, and we both know we want to be married, own a home, and have kids by 30/36. I have always loved the idea of being a mom. <br><br>I realized yesterday that I am not as interested in the idea of having children as I once was. I put a lot of time and thought into why this was, and I think it’s due to the very different way our children would be raised due to my husband being severely disabled (I am just getting ready to provide more context because I get that my husband’s condition is the issue). <br><br>I am super thankful for having the life I do. I have been able to continue going to school, have an amazing job, and have lots of spare time to be with my family and pursue hobbies. I have always assumed that we would have children after I am 30. I know I am not ready for kids yet, but the thought of having children hasn’t upset me or made me sad. I thought that was because I wasn’t ready for kids yet, but I have realized it’s probably because my husband and I would share child rearing responsibilities. I believe he wants children as well. We would have to hire someone to help him care for a child during the day, and we would have to hire child care for nights when he goes to bed early. <br><br>If I were a stay-at-home mom, I believe I would be entirely responsible for raising our children as he is bed-bound/full-time caregiver dependent. The thought of this makes me feel super anxious. He has some medical conditions that make it difficult for him to verbalize his needs during the day (talking wears him out quickly), and I worry I wouldn’t be able to manage two people with these needs. I have taken care of him by myself for lengths of time before, but I have always had help available if I was super overwhelmed. I worry that if I was a stay-at-home mom, I would be the only person available to help him and our children. <br><br>I know this description of my husband is very vague, but he has a lot of medical needs AND requires a lot of mental health support. He has some neurodivergent issues and has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. His anxiety is the biggest issue for me as he can become nearly non-responsive when he is overwhelmed. He has a history of suicidal ideation when his anxiety is heightened for a long period of time. I am glad we have been able to get him help and management for this. I just don’t see how I could manage this and help with kids too. <br><br>I have been researching part-time and full-time in-person and online/full remote jobs that I could work as a mom and allow me to keep a caregiver for him. I think this would alleviate most of my stress, but I would still be responsible for the majority of parenting during the night. My husband goes to bed between 8-10pm every night. <br><br>I am not sure what to do. I know that we should have worked through these details before we got married, but I didn’t expect to be in the situation we are in now. My husband was in better health when we got married, and we were both so excited to start a life together after a long engagement. He had a big health decline about a year ago, and I am still adjusting to our reality. He was very capable 18 months ago. <br><br>I don’t know how to broach this subject with him. I know he wants children. I do too, but I don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom. I don’t want to be responsible for taking care of two people with these needs. I don’t see how he would be able to parent a child as he barely has the capacity to parent himself. I don’t know what to do. I love my husband so much, and I know he’s going to be upset.