I got busted and now I'm tried.

So I'm sitting in jail. It's not the end of the world. I have my laptop and my food stamps. I'm going to stay out of my own head and share my experiences one more time with a community I've loved and loathed. I'm bored, and I have nothing to lose. Another chance to tell my story.<br><br>I've been stealing since I was a teenager. My first memories are stealing pink lady apples and honey from a grocery store. I took the entire display down and stashed all the apples into my jacket and took two bottles of honey.<br><br>I did that for years. It just made me feel good. I never got caught. I thought I was invincible.<br><br>I grew up with neglect and abuse. My family doesn't love me. I'm an only child of a drug addict mother. It's a miracle I turned out so well. I'm also ADHD and have bipolar disorder.<br><br>I got a card from a homeless man in the library, inviting me to a secret meeting to learn about boosting. I went, and got to take home a bunch of stuff. The thrill was intoxicating. I fell into this lifestyle so easily.<br><br>I boosted for a few months, then got caught. I was sentenced to jail, but managed to get out with a plea deal. I stayed out of the streets for about 4 years. I worked as a waitress and went to nursing school. I got pregnant and moved to the coast to be closer to my baby daddy.<br><br>I got bored, and really missed the thrill of shoplifting. My baby daddy was abusive, and I literally escaped one night with my two small children and 40 dollars. I drove to another city and stayed in a hotel for a month until I could get into a shelter.<br><br>I started boosting again, but this time I was on my own. I met some people at the shelter, but I never trusted anyone. I did it for a long time. I got addicted to heroin, lost my kids, and was in an abusive relationship. It wasn't until my boyfriend and I got busted for shoplifting that I realized I had a problem.<br><br>I went to treatment and got sober! I got my kids back, and I got custody of my brothers kids. I was finally happy. I still boosted, but I was more aware of it. I used to steal because I was bipolar, I thought I was invincible. But now, I could see myself doing it, and see it as a pattern of behavior.<br><br>One day, I got busted for a package theft. I had boosted all day, then had a drink, then stole the package, then got drunk and went to sleep. The next morning, I had 7 missed calls from the police, a warrant for my arrest, and a restraining order. All because I stole a package and got caught on the neighbors camera.<br><br>I went into a dark place, but I still had my kids. I knew I couldn't give up. I went back to treatment, but this time I realized I was addicted to boosting. I was shoplifting sober! But I could see that I was doing it because I was bored and stressed. Now that I'm aware of it, and I can see myself doing it, I can stop it.<br><br>I stopped boosting, I sold all my boost and made enough to move out of state. I started therapy, and joined a support group. I felt like I overcame a huge hurdle. I felt free.<br><br>I didn't realize at the time that I was in a manic episode, and that it was bound to end. I was hit with a ton of bricks, and I fell into a really dark depression. There was nothing I could do, because I had just paid off all my debts, and I had rent and a mortgage saved up. I thought of my kids, and I knew I couldn't afford to go to jail.<br><br>I did everything right. I went to therapy, I took my meds, I exercised. Nothing worked. The only thing that made me feel better was shoplifting.<br><br>I was stealing literally every single day. If I couldn't steal, I would literally have a panic attack. I was fighting my urges every single day, and one day I got in my car and drove to another state. I boosted all day, took a bath at the mall, went to the park, then drove back home. I felt alive.<br><br>I tried to stop again, but I couldn't. I was stealing everyday, I was stealing with my kids, I was stealing at work. I took a baseball bat and broke into a restaurant. I stole from my boyfriend. I stole a bunch of alcohol one night and woke up in the hospital.<br><br>I was stealing so much, and I was getting more and more reckless. I was drinking everyday and smoking weed and xanax. I was going to the gas station everyday to buy boost. I was stealing all my food and my kids food. I was making enough to afford anything I wanted.<br><br>But it wasn't enough. One day I got busted. I got caught shoplifting and it was painful. I cried and I begged for them to let me go. I had a full blown panic attack. I finally got home after what felt like forever, and I collapsed on my bed.<br><br>I cried for hours. I was so sad, but also relieved. I knew that I couldn't stop, and I didn't want to. I don't want to be a thief, but I am.<br><br>So now I'm sitting in jail, surrounded by otherboosters. Everyone in here is a thief. We all laugh and share stories and talk about what we stole. It's a horrible feeling, but it's also kind of comforting.<br><br>I'm not alone in this. I'm not a monster. I'm a human, and I have flaws. It's ok to have flaws, and it's ok to make mistakes. The only thing that matters is that I learn from them, and try to be a good person.<br><br>So I'm going to do my time, and I'm going to try to be a good person when I get out. I'm not a bad person, I'm just a flawed one. And that's ok.<br><br>Edit: I forgot to add that I have over 20 convictions for misdemeanor shoplifting, and I'm currently facing 2 felony charges for organized retail theft.