Brother, I get it, but you can stop discussing wanting to fuck our stepmother now

This all started with my and my brother's non-traditional stepmother. She married my father last year (right after my mom passed away), and he died shortly after that. <br><br>The short story is that this stepmother was younger than my mom, a former mistress, and our father's partner in every sense of the word. Not long after his death, both my brother and I (and my sisters, in their own private ways) realized that we were fantasizing about her. We each had our own reasons, but they were probably pretty similar. She was fun, pretty, and she showed us a good time. <br><br>I'm not sure which of us reached the point we've reached first, because I'm not sure how much my brother was fantasizing about her, but I can tell you exactly how I got here. After our dad died, she threw a party at the castle we were given in his name. She had the craziest time, and that actually helped me feel a little bit better, because it kind of felt like my father was there in some way. <br><br>I know this is going to get removed in a few hours. It's a long post, so I hope you enjoy it. Anyway, after things started winding down, I just wanted to relax. She and I started drinking together, and she asked me about the girls I was seeing. It's actually been a long time, I'm too busy studying, but this time I wasn't just being polite. This time I really wanted to see if a high school girl would be interested in me. <br><br>I told her there was one girl in particular who I really wanted to see in lingerie, and she told me the next time I was going to see her I should have sex with her. She didn't want to just model lingerie like I was hoping, but she wanted to have sex. So we did. <br><br>My stepmother took my virginity. The entire time I was doing it, I was very cognizant of the fact that I was doing it with my stepmother. It wasn't like I was imagining my dad was doing it with her or pretending my dad was there. I was aware that it was incest in two ways; my dad was her husband, and I'm sure she's related to us somehow. <br><br>As we did it, she told me all the things she would do to me if she had the chance. And she did them. All of them. I never thought I wanted to try something like that, but she showed me something new, and it was really good. <br><br>After that, she'd come to my bedroom whenever she wanted to have sex and she'd do all those things to me. I had sex with her maybe seven or eight times more. Each time I saw her I got more and more comfortable, because I could see how much she loved it. And I loved that she loved me. When she'd fall asleep afterwards, I'd just think about how much fun we were having. <br><br>But then, when she started sleeping with the rest of my siblings, I realized that I was still just a little too in love with her to have sex with her. I still loved her, it was like she was my mom. <br><br>I'd never been this close to my mom, and I think I'd been so close to my stepmother that I had developed mother/son incest feelings for her. I didn't want to have sex with her anymore, but she was still special to me, and I decided to treasure our time together. <br><br>Over time, though, I realized what I'd done. I had listened to her and had sex with a girl my age, and I didn't enjoy it. I didn't love her like I loved my stepmother. It was just sex, and that's what you'd think it would be. And it felt like that with my stepmother, too. What I loved was that she was my stepmother, and I got to do all that with her. <br><br>But at the same time, I feel like I betrayed her. She did to me what she couldn't do to my father. I feel like I took a step beyond stepbrother incest, and I probably crossed a line somewhere along the way. People don't feel the way I do. They just don't. It's not supposed to be this way, but this is how I feel.