Two years ago today, I was committed to a mental hospital. Here is what I learned.

I'm an engineer and I'm 30 for context.<br><br>Two years ago I got out of a 5 year relationship. Against my better judgement, I went on a dating app and matched with a rather chubby girl at the time (size 18/20). She was a little bigger than I would normally go for, but I do like chubby women. I'm 5'9 and 31% body fat, for context. Over the next 4 weeks we did nothing but text as friends. When we met up, I was smitten. She was very funny, caring and smart, but most importantly she made me laugh an awful lot.<br><br>As our relationship went on, I saw her work her way down to a size 10. She went from weighing 215lbs to 175lbs. She had a big belly, but she was not morbidly obese. When she was losing weight, I was so thrilled for her. She was so proud of herself, as I was. She would try on new outfits and look in the mirror and tears of happiness would start to roll down her eyes. This was obviously a bad sign. She has a terrible relationship with food and her weight. She would cry to me all the time saying how ugly/fat she is. I'd reassure her. She was actually a very attractive girl. My friends would ask me to bring her to parties we went to and I would and she would be the most popular girl there. She never believed me. She would tell me how lucky I am that I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight. I would tell her I watch what I eat and I work out. She would cry more. It was a never ending story for a year straight. I'd take her to the beach and she wouldn't get in the water. She'd cry when I took her to the mall to buy a new outfit and none of the stores had anything that could fit her. I never knew how to handle it. I felt like I couldn't do anything right. <br><br>Around this time, I started having chest pain. I went to my doctor and he told me to watch my diet and my blood pressure would come down. It never did. One night, she just left without telling me. No text, no call. She just ghosted me. I called the cops worried that she had been kidnapped. I showed up at her work the next day and she told me she needed her space. I called my mom crying and she took me to the hospital. They did a bunch of tests on me and told me I needed to calm down and I was having a panic attack. They told me to go home. I didn't. I asked them to lock me up because I didn't want to kill myself. They locked me up for a week. It was hell on earth. People were talking to themselves and peeing on the floor. I shared a room with a guy who didn't talk to me for the first 3 days, but on the 4th day he was my best friend for the remainder of my stay. <br><br>It took them a month to diagnose me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. They gave me a bunch of pills to take and I was on my way. The first month I took those pills, I was so groggy. I would be high at work and would fall asleep at my desk. I switched doctors and got new pills that worked for me. I felt so much better.<br><br>What did I learn?<br><br>1. Communication is key. This girl never communicated that she was unhappy. She just left.<br><br>2. You cannot diagnose someone who is not yours to diagnose. I'm not a doctor, I don't know how to handle someone with eating disorders. I thought it was a bad idea but I allowed her to move in with me. I enabled her. She would starve herself and when she got so hungry she would eat the entire house and cry because she ruined her diet. I didn't help her. I should've told her I couldn't be with someone who didn't know how to eat.<br><br>3. Don't take people for granted. She wound up getting fired from her job because she stopped showing up to work by the time I was in the hospital. We both decided to go back to school. She transferred schools and I stayed at my original school. She didn't do the work and she got kicked out. I moved back in with my parents. She had no where to go. I allowed her to move in with me. I felt bad. I knew she had no where to go. <br><br>I learned that I need to communicate better with people. If I see red flags, I need to remove myself from the situation. I need to stop feeling bad for people and start putting myself first.<br><br>TLDR: I went to the darkest depths of my insides and I learned a lot about myself and my anxiety/depression. I was in a relationship with a girl with a lot of baggage. I need to put myself first.