I am highly lonely and I promise I am not this pathetic.

I’ve been feeling like I’m drowning in loneliness lately. The pain is suffocating me. I don’t know why I am this way, it has never made sense to me. I don’t want to be a loner and I’m really really frustrated. I’m so tired of being the one people seek out when they are lonely, and I’m tired of still feeling so crushing lonely that I cannot leave my home. I just want to be able to leave my home and feel people are my people not that I am the people’s person. <br><br>I’m shaking as I write this. I don’t know how to explain my pain. I am not a loner. I am nothing but a people person. I love socialising I love my job and I am very good at it. I love all the things I have to do. I have hobbies and life goals and I know I will be ok! I know this won’t last forever. I am ok. I am not breaking down. I am ok. I don’t know why I am so lonely. I’m crying as I write this because I am so sick of this. I am sick of not being able to go home because I want to be around others and feel included. I am not a loner. <br><br>I do not know why in my heart of hearts I am so damn lonely. It has always been this way. My parents did all they could to make it stop. I have a normal childhood and parents. I’m not a loner. I go out to events and I have friends but none know me well enough to know how much pain I am in. I do not share that with them. They don’t know that I’m fighting for every breath that I breathe. I am not a loner. I am happy and outgoing. I am not a loner. I just know that those who are lonely are not pathetic. I know that I am not pathetic.