My Favorite High (and a brief story about my addiction)

I smoke meth. I am not addicted to it anymore, I have been sober for 6 months now and am currently 5 months pregnant with my first child. Cheers to that.<br>I used to do it every weekend, all night, with several of my closest friends. We would stay in the kitchen, cooking a little meth at a time to keep the high going, I loved that. I loved the sense of camaraderie we had, of our little family. But then it all got really bad and I had to stop.<br><br>So, what does it feel like? Meth is hard to explain. It doesn't feel much like alcohol or weed. I love doing meth because it makes me feel like I'm not really in my own body, like my body is a vessel and I am inside of it, watching myself do things. Sometimes I feel like a ghost, floating around in my room, watching my skin and hair and teeth and hands not really feel like me. Sometimes, I watch myself searching all over the house for the one pipe I hid so I wouldn't get high. I look all over the house, knowing exactly where it is the whole time. Sometimes I feel like an alien, like a completely different species, but also strangely human.<br><br>When I am high, it feels good to look at myself in the mirror. I like to imagine a parallel universe where I am the most beautiful person in the world, and it feels like I am living in it. It feels like I am doing the right thing when I'm on it, like whatever I'm doing is the right thing. It doesn't feel like I am addicted, or like there is anything wrong with me, or like I'm going to end up in some gutter as a shadow of a human at 45. It feels good, good, good.<br><br>I feel a natural high sometimes, a little bit like it, but it's never the same. I feel a little like that when I'm having a lot of sex, when the universe feels aligned with me, when I am feeling confident. But I think, overall, it is my favorite drug and I truly hope to be able to be around it again, safely, once my life has settled down a bit more.