I'm starting to hate my horse

He used to be good. He's very smart, I found him and my horse next to him a fence loose in the field with a snapped lead line. I trained him to load in a trailer that he wasn't very fond of. I dragged him through mud, snow, ice, and rain. I had to drag him through over a foot of snow just to get a halter on him and I broke his halter so that day was all for naught. I got him a new halter. I made him walk through the mud with the halter on and he didn't buck. I was so proud of my horse. I had him in the round pen for over 30 mins without him ever bucking, he even gave me nice mesodons. I would reward him with his favorite treats. He was in the trailer for over an hour! He was doing so well. <br><br>Then it turned to spring and he got over 100 bibs and lice. He didn't care for his baths. He bucked in the trailer and ungracefully and painfully threw himself in the mud. I was so disappointed by him, but I still got him to the vet and I was proud of him. <br><br>Now every time I ride him he bucks. He bucks so much. I've tried to be a hard ass and don't give him treats unless he walks. I've tried to be nice and let him get his zooms out. I've tried to let him see his friends and ride next to his friends. He's even bucked me off in the arena. I'm not even mad that he's bucking. I'm mad because he doesn't care about me, and I care about him a lot.<br><br>My other horses are perfect. They don't buck and they walk nice and they always give me nice mesodons. The whole ride they just do nice mesodons and they never try to buck. I love them. I also love my bucking horse. I love him so much, but I'm starting to hate him because he's so hard to ride. I want to ride him. I want to ride him in the badlands, I want to ride him on the trails, I want to ride him to visit the neighbors. I want to ride him so bad. I just wish he would be a good horse and he just won't. I've tried so hard. I don't know what else to do.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>Edit: I'm a 12 year old girl and I'm the only one for my horse. I haven't thrown him to a trainer because I love him and I don't want to loose him.