I have over 20 best friends and I never know when someone will stop talking to me because I don’t fit into their clique

I’m in my mid 30s and no matter how hard I try I can never be in just one social circle with friends. Every time I have a group of friends, they all leave me at the same time after years of wanting to be my friend. I never know why, only that they wanted me in their lives, but don’t anymore. Every time this happens I am left wondering if I’m not worthy. If I’m not good enough. If there is something wrong with me. It’s so hurtful and degrading that I start to doubt. <br><br>What is wrong with me? I’m a people person. I’ve always wanted to make everyone happy. Now I’m at a point where I am starting to form walls. I don’t care to form any new relationships. I don’t know how much more of this I can handle. <br><br>I do have a few friends who have been by my side for many years but even with them I am starting to form walls. I don’t know what else to do. My self worth is on the floor.<br><br>Back in high school I was a cheerleader and had tons of friends, but they never treated me like a friend. I just accepted that they were “popular” and I was less. So I took that mindset into my adult years. That everyone is sitting on a pedestal and I’m just wanting to be a friend. I’m not sure how I can break this mindset. I just want to be worthy.