Critique of my first half of my first novel. I’ll include the first half and the link to the second half.

I started checked with the prologue and I didn’t like it. I put it down and then came back to it. This was a great story that probably needed a lot of work. The writing is wonderful. The pacing is excellent. They’re great characters and the POV was great and unique. You can tell that it’s the author’s first book. I’ve got some red flags and suggestions that would greatly improve this story.<br><br>The main red flag is that the MC doesn’t seem to be able to function without multiple people. He’s part of a family in this world, but he’s not the child in the family so why is he so core to the family? I don’t get enough to see that. He can’t function in the real world without someone next to him. Then there’s the fact that he can’t seem to care about his medical issues because of his experiences with the game. I don’t understand how he thinks that he wouldn’t be able to function without the people in the game. What a mystery. <br><br>I also don’t understand the company. They have no employees in any other department besides the medics. Suddenly, they acquire the best employees and it’s like they became Google. They don’t hire anyone except the medical staff. The MC has no idea how to do business even though one of his business school professors is his friend. They don’t go to business school, so I don’t get why they would be there. I hope there’s more context later on. <br><br>I also don’t understand what happen to the MC in the game. What was his diagnosis? The signs were clear. I also don’t understand why he’s having such a hard time adjusting to the real world. There’s not enough context to understand what happened to him in the game. <br><br>The writing itself was excellent. The characters are great. The POV IS great and unique. There is a great story in there that has lots of potential. I’m not sure if it could reach the potential. I’ll have to check out the second half though because it’s a very interesting story.