How do you get beyond the feeling of being a joke and a failure if you need to defend yourself with a gun?

First post here.<br><br>I’ve been getting bitten by the gun bug and I’m enjoying shooting lately. I’m still a complete noob. I have a few questions for experienced gun owners and people who carry.<br><br>After I bought a gun, I had the thought that the only time I’d ever need to defend myself is if I’m either going to die or already dead. <br><br>Would I have possibly been dead already or would I be dying from blood loss before I even got a chance to pull out my gun and shoot? <br><br>I don’t carry in my car, at work, or when I’m out and about. This was my first gun so it’s just for in my bedroom. <br><br>I don’t plan on carrying my gun at all but now I’m wondering if I should? What if I’m in the car and someone smashes my window and grabs my girlfriend and shoots me in the head, shoots me in the torso and leaves me to bleed out, or smashes my head with a baseball bat? What if I was out at the grocery store and someone attacked me? What if I’m at work and someone shoots up the place? <br><br>I’m a pretty small guy with no self-defense training besides a few jiu-jitsu classes, a boxing class, and kickboxing class years ago. For the first time ever in my life, I’m actually feeling afraid and vulnerable. I feel like I’m a failure and a joke if I need to use a gun to defend myself.<br><br>What’s the right mindset to get over these things and have confidence in carrying a gun? <br><br>Thanks for reading this. It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything this long.