My Husband and His Sister...

My husband says that if we end up not wanting to have kids someday, we could always "take in a child from the foster system" and give them a loving home and a family. He and his sister have had a few discussions about this, and he knows that if we end up not wanting to have kids, she'd be happy to have us take in her son/my nephew. <br><br>He thinks it would be great because he already knows his nephew. He would have a relationship with him from a young age. He knows he'd take on a lot of responsibility with a kid, but he'd be able to carry on his family's traditions and be able to be a part of family gatherings and he thinks it would make him feel fulfilled. He acknowledges that it would be a very difficult and emotionally taxing job, but he claims he would be willing to take on that challenge and do it well. He researches this and does his due diligence. He has been reading up on parenting books and is considering going to therapy to try to work through why he thinks he doesn't want to have his own kids. <br><br>The problem is that he doesn't want to have his own kids. None of his siblings want their own kids either. There are too many kids in the world already and he doesn't want to add to the numbers and contribute to overpopulation, he says. <br><br>The other problem is that all of his siblings have kids. He's one of six siblings, and all of them are parents of at least one child except for him. His favorite memories are from his favorite uncle, who had a lot of kids, and his favorite aunt, who had a lot of kids. His favorite branch of the family tree is the one with the most kids. He considers his sister's kids to be the light of his life and he has a special bond with them. <br><br>That's all fine and good, but he's going to have to find something else to fulfill him other than fatherhood. I am childfree and I am never going to change my mind. I grew up in a big, loud, and active household with a lot of kids in the family. I've been taking care of kids for years and I've never liked it. I don't enjoy spending time with kids and I don't want to be a mother. I never have. <br><br>I know that my husband and I aren't compatible because of our views on kids. I know that we can't be together long-term. I know that I'll have to end our marriage eventually because of this. But for now, I don't want to leave him. I love him, and I don't want to hurt him. I'm willing to put myself through a lot of pain and difficulty if it means that I can spare him some heartache and keep him happy. I'm willing to do that even if it's unfair to me, and if it means that I miss out on a lot. <br><br>He knows I don't want to have kids, and he knows that I like having the variety of freedom that comes with being childfree. I don't have to plan appointments, events, or activities around anyone but myself, and I enjoy that. I don't have to worry about what to feed anyone but myself or how to keep anyone happy but myself, and I enjoy those things. <br><br>He asked me a few months ago if I would consider adopting or fostering a child if we were together, and I said no. He asked why. I told him that I have been caring for kids my whole life in my large family, and I don't want to put myself through that again. I told him that I don't want to be a mother and I don't enjoy spending time with kids. I told him that I have thought this over for years and I have always come to the same conclusion. <br><br>He acknowledged that, but over the last few months I've noticed him talking more and more about other people's kids. He talks a lot about how much he loves his niece and nephews and how much he enjoys spending time with them. He talks about his favorite childhood memories and how he wishes he could have a family of his own. He talks about how much he values family and how much he wants to be a father. <br><br>I know he's trying to sell me on the idea of being a mother. I know he's trying to guilt trip me into changing my mind. But something else is going on here too. <br><br>I have noticed that he seems to be not only trying to convince me that I should be a mother, but that *he* should be a mother. He acts like he is missing out on something and he's not living up to his full potential because he doesn't have kids. He wants to be able to go to soccer practices and PTA meetings and have his kids involved in extracurricular activities. He wants to have kids come home from school and want to tell him about their day. He wants to go pick up his kids from school and take them to soccer practice. He wants his kids to be able to spend time with their cousins. He wants his kids to be able to go to the park and play on the swings. He wants to be able to go to family gatherings and have kids there. He wants to be able to pass on his family's traditions and culture to the next generation. <br><br>He isn't content with godfathering my niece and nephews. He isn't content with being an uncle. He wants to be a father and no one else will do. <br><br>Last night, we were talking about what I want to do with my life. I told him that in the next few years I want to live in a smaller space and try to be more minimalist. I want to travel and live in a foreign country for a while. I'm considering joining the military. I want to do a lot of different things before I settle down. <br><br>He thought that sounded like a lot of work and he doesn't want to do that with me. His time is valuable to him, and he doesn't want to put in the effort necessary to travel, join the military, or do the other things I want to do. <br><br>He's pretty lazy, and I don't blame him for valuing his time. I do too, but I'm also an adventurous person. He doesn't feel like putting in the time or effort to travel or join the military or live in a different country. He thinks all of those things sound like a lot of work. <br><br>He had the audacity to suggest that I give up all of my dreams and live in a big house in the suburbs and pop out as many kids as I could right away so that he could fulfill his dream of being a father. I was flabbergasted. He knows that would be miserable for me. I don't want to be a mother and I don't want to live in a big house in the suburbs. I don't want to give up my dreams to fulfill his. <br><br>He acted like that was a totally reasonable thing to ask me, but he says he's unwilling to try to understand my perspective. He's unwilling to try to see why I don't want to be a mother. He's unwilling to try to understand why I chose this and why I feel the way I do. <br><br>What's going on with him? What should I do about this?