What am I supposed to do? am I supposed to be a robot?

I don't have anyone close to me.<br>I can't talk to anyone except them, before they accuse me of "gossiping" and not sharing my feelings with them.<br>I am not allowed to seek help. If I do, I'm just "making excuses" and will blame the doctors instead of myself.<br>No matter how many times I fail, am I supposed to just accept that I'll fail indefinitely?<br>I am not allowed to be lonely and comfort myself. I am not allowed to try to help myself. They want to be the only ones to be my "friends" as they put it.<br>I am either insane or insecure.<br>Am I just supposed to pretend...?