My thoughts on the "s" word.

Hey guys, I haven't been around much in recent months. Been really busy with my job, and been working on my mental health, but I've been thinking about this for a while now, and wanted to put my thoughts down and hear yours.<br><br>If you haven't seen it yet, an interview leaked today of dylan speaking about the problematic content (Let's call it that) that he has posted online, and he had some enlightening words to share on it, and I think his words really hit home for me, and I think it really does for most of us that were in this subreddit.<br><br>"it felt like I had a safe space to be able to talk about how I felt, and not be afraid of judgment. And there was a lot of things that I just didn’t understand."<br><br>"I think it's a form of PTSD."<br><br>I think anyone reading this knows exactly what I'm talking about, but...I wasn't into drugs before I was in this community, I had done a few things here and there, but this was where my dabbles eventually led to full blown drug addiction. I started smoking weed, then dabs, then I think just curious one day I tried the "S", and it was a mix of a nice high and just something that I couldn't quite get enough of, it ended up leading to a full blown meth addiction that I still struggle with today.<br><br>I have had two times the past year where I went thru rehab, and got sober, but it never stuck. Sure, one was for a few months, and the other was only a few weeks, but it didn't last. I'm working on my mental health, I'm talking to a therapist, I've talked about my trauma, and I'm working on it, and I'm working on my addiction. I still do meth daily, but the dosages are smaller, and I have been steadily cutting back, and I'm working on my trauma, I'm working on my mental health, and I'm working towards being the best version of myself.<br><br>I think we all know dylan isn't a bad person, I think we all know the "s" word is a bad drug, and I think we all know that the negative experiences far outweigh the positive, but I think we also know that he was just trying to say things as he saw them, and regardless of how anyone feels, I think we should all be able to be respectful of each other.<br><br>I recently had an experience that really changed my perspective on how I think about drugs. For those of you who know me, you know my girlfriend struggles with a pretty strong xanax addiction, and the other day I came home to find her dead.<br><br>I've cried, I've wailed, I've screamed, I've broken down, I've done everything I needed to do to get thru it, but I also learned a hard lesson. Was it unexpected? Yes. Was it my fault? Absolutely not. She was a good person, and she was a wonderful girlfriend who I loved more than anything in the world, but I think I see now that addiction is a fucking monster that just consumes everything in sight.<br><br>She was a strong willed woman, and I'm proud to say that she was, but I knew she had a problem. I've been dealing with it for the better part of a year now. I've seen her at her worst, and I've seen her at her best. And while she was an amazing person, I saw her worst more than her best.<br><br>I'm a recovering addict myself, and I've been thru treatment for my own addiction. I've went thru hell and back for it, and I know how hard it can be for someone to come out of it, and she couldn't do it. She went into rehab and couldn't do it. And she couldn't do it because the addiction was so strong that she just couldn't get past it.<br><br>I think we've all fallen into that trap at one point or another, and I think we've all struggled with it, and we all know that addiction is a fucking bitch that I wish further suffering on every day. And I know she struggled with it more than I did. She went thru hell and back for it, and she couldn't do it.<br><br>I'm 21, and now I'm planning a funeral for the 25 year old woman that I loved more than anything in the world, and I'm still processing it. I'm still trying to understand it, and I'm still trying to come to terms with it. We were living together, and we had just moved into our first house, and I just want to pretend it didn't happen, and I know I can't.<br><br>I think we've all been there at one point, and I think we all know what it's like to lose someone in the blink of an eye.<br><br>And with that, I think I've said my mind on the "s" word.<br><br>I just hope you all can understand.<br><br>Thanks for listening guys. I really appreciate this chamber, and the good times it has brought me. And once I'm sober, I'll be back to say my goodbyes. Until then, stay safe, and thank you all again.