I want to die

I'm bracing for the worst during the coming months. I just want to die. I never thought I'd be the type to end it all, but now I just can't imagine living anymore. I can feel something in me is cracking so hard I can hear it. I have no idea how to stop it.<br><br>I knew the last few months would be hard transitioning to the new curriculum already, but it's also the last year we have before we get the new standardized testing that is (allegedly) supposed to make us another Finland, but without all that pesky high teacher pay, free education for life, good working conditions etc. <br><br>I never really was one to cry at work since I started teaching, but I really am at my wit's end. I dread waking up and getting to work. I'm trying my hardest to keep my cool and not take them to the hospital. The latest being that I had to attend a course to be an assistant "study coach" for underperforming children.<br><br>I don't have the time nor the mental energy for that extra task, but I'm instructed to do so, along with attending a course next year to help kids with a migrant background. I never signed up for such extensive counselling and mentoring, and it also wasn't mentioned when I first got my job. It also feels like I have to be a social worker all of a sudden, and I'm so sick of the constant finger pointing at the teachers, as if we're to blame for all these problems. <br><br>This is turning into a complaint post (which I hate), and the truth is, many of my colleagues are in the same boat. The kids are just suffering, and there's no support for anyone. It's just one big circle jerk of incompetence which I can't escape from. I'm trying to make it to summer, but I'm already dreading the coming school year and training weeks. It feels like the point of no return is closing in, and soon I'll end up a burn out statistic.