Should I tell my ex-husband I’m filing for bankruptcy?

So my divorce was finalized over 5 years ago. Within the last couple years we’ve been able to have a somewhat stable and friendly relationship. We have a daughter together, we co-parent and are usually on the same page. <br><br>He makes a lot more money than me, and my student loan debt is quite high (mostly med school loans). Just before I graduated my ex refinanced our house to use part of the equity to pay off most of my high interest student loans. I owed over $100k and he paid off a good amount of it. The remainder was the better interest rate loan that was in my name. <br><br>We split all the marital assets fairly, I took all my income producing assets and he took back the house. I was left making payments on the remaining loan as well as some of his other loans that we kept in my name. It was a big deal for him to pay off the majority of my loans the way he did, it really changed my financial situation. I’ll always be grateful. <br><br>Over the years I’ve put most of my money towards his loans, and I haven’t made any headway on my own remaining student loans (which I probably should have, but objectively it’s not a huge amount) but I feel like he doesn’t think of himself as the type of person who has debt, and I know he would consider it very unbecoming of himself if someone found out he had all of this debt. <br><br>His loans were in the hundreds the thousands, and I knew they would take a while to pay off. Some had interest coming out of the gate years prior to the divorce. He actually has never made a payment on any of them himself. He pays our daughter’s private school tuition (which is actually a lot) and I pay into a joint account to pay his loans. <br><br>I’ve been paying into that joint account the same amount since the divorce, and I just have to admit that I’m really sick of it. It’s a large amount that I pay every month. I’ve been doing this for years without help and without much progress. I’m emotionally exhausted by it, and my money situation isn’t improving because of it.<br><br>I’ve been using the money I can spare to try and build up my credit, get a new small loan, and pay it off within a year to make myself look more responsible. I feel like there’s a way to be more responsible with my money without having the burden of his debt on my back. <br><br>Last week I went to a financial advisor and told him everything. I even told him I wasn’t sure if I should be telling him all of this because it might be illegal? And he said he didn’t see anything illegal, but it was a lot to be doing with only his benefit in mind. I told him I wanted to make some changes. And that I didn’t even know where to start.<br><br>He said I should stop making the payments in my ex’s loans and file for bankruptcy. He said it could be a long and difficult process, but I think it would be worth it in the end. He also made me feel less guilty for wanting to stop paying my ex-husband’s loans because he hasn’t paid a single cent towards any of them. So I started the process of filing for bankruptcy. <br><br>The thing is, I don’t want to do this without telling him. That does feel illegal. I don’t want to hurt him, but I also don’t want the weight of paying off his loans anymore. I feel like we’re connected to this still… like a tether that keeps me from being fully in control of my finances. <br><br>I just don’t know how to go about it. I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up to him casually. I don’t want to hurt him or upset him but I also don’t want to make it seem like he has any control over my choice or like he has any room to guilt me. I feel like even telling him would give him the opportunity to try and get me to keep paying. <br><br>I also know that it will hurt his ego. I know how he thinks of himself, and I know he will literally not be able to look at himself in the mirror if he ever finds out what I’m doing. I’m worried that it could be bad for our daughter. <br><br>I’m considering just never telling him and letting him find out for himself, but I’m afraid that might ruin our relationship. <br><br>I just don’t want any part in this anymore. I’m tired of carrying this weight. I’m making good money, my student loan debt is manageable, I have a good credit score, I just want to finally be able to think about myself. <br><br>For those who have been here, how did you tell your ex? Did you feel guilty? Did it help your financial situation? What would you do again if you had the chance?