I'm struggling in finding good advice - How do I move on after 15 years of marriage?

I've been married to my husband for 15 years and have 4 daughters. I'm 34 and he's 42. He left me for another woman three months ago and I'm struggling in dealing with it. I'm heartbroken and I feel like I've failed in the way I've handled it. I've been emotionally abused during most of our relationship but he's never been physically abusive towards me or our children. I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety and it's hard to function with our reality. I feel lost and alone and don't know who to turn to since he's my best friend. I keep thinking that he's going to realize he made a mistake and come back home but it hasn't happened yet. <br><br>When he told me he left me for another woman, I begged him to stay and tried to work things out but he ended up moving out. I was in denial about the separation and thought he'd come back home after a few days but he never did. A month later I asked him for a divorce but he said he didn't want to get remarried again and he would rather be together as friends but continue to have an open marriage. I was heartbroken when he said that he didn't love me and he hasn't loved me for years. I cried and begged him to stay but ultimately I ended up agreeing to the open marriage. The first night after we made that arrangement he came home drunk and I could tell he was with another woman. He denied it but I smelled another woman on him. He stayed the night and we had sex but I realized I made a huge mistake. I asked him a week later to leave me alone and give me space. It's been two months since I asked for space and he's been distant since. We only communicate about our daughters but we don't talk about our relationship. I'm not sure if he still wants an open marriage or not. I've cut off communication with his family and friends since they blamed me for the separation. We've been struggling financially because he refuses to pay me spousal or child support. We filed for legal separation two months ago and the case is ongoing. I asked him for a divorce again but he said he's not going to give me a divorce. He said he'll sign the legal separation but not the divorce. I regret filing for legal separation instead of divorce and feel stupid for begging him to stay. <br><br>I've been flaky during the last few months and shut down emotionally from our daughters. They're all confused and heartbroken and I feel guilty for not being strong for them. They keep asking me when their dad is coming home and it breaks my heart when I hear their cries and pleas. My three older daughters know what's happening and they've been distant from their father since he left. He's barely been around them and I feel like he's abandoned them. I'm struggling in raising them alone and I feel like I'm failing as a mom. I'm emotionally unstable and don't have the income to provide for them on my own. I've been trying to get a better job but I haven't been able to since I don't have any work experience. <br><br>I've been heartbroken and my anxiety have been bad lately. I've been depressed for months and I don't know how to move on. I feel alone and have no one to turn to. I don't have any friends and I keep pushing everyone away. I feel like I'm alone dealing with this new reality and I'm struggling in being strong for my daughters. What steps should I take? Any advice would help.<br><br>tl;dr - I'm struggling in dealing with my separation. Any advice would help.