AITA for refusing to let my kids see my mother after she said how sad it is that my son isn’t white?

Background info: I am biracial, my father was black and my mother is white. Orientation doesn’t matter but I am a lesbian. I was married to a woman and we had two children, a boy (13) and a girl (4). My son is non verbal autistic, he is moderately disabled. My daughter is neurotypical and physically disabled. My wife passed away over a year ago in a work accident, so it is just the kids and I now. <br><br>My mother has unfortunately never been happy about anything in my life. I was a disappointment for not being white enough, I was a bigger disappointment for being a lesbian and the biggest disappointment was when I decided to carry on with my pregnancy with my son instead of aborting him. <br><br>I have tried to improve our relationship over and over but she just makes it impossible. She barely knows a thing about my kids, she refuses to learn anything about autism and has called my daughter a “burden” for being in a wheelchair. She has barely seen my kids and doesn’t even know their names, just their genders.<br><br>She recently, out of the blue, wanted to see them. I asked why and she said she doesn’t want to miss out on her relationship with her grandkids because of her issues with me. I told her no after that. She insisted, saying she was getting older and wanted to be involved with them. I was hesitant but her sister and brother said she was getting older, was lonely, and that she would change her ways and I should at least give her a chance. So I agreed. The plan was for her to come to my house.<br><br>I only told my daughter because my son doesn’t really understand. My daughter, however, is upset about it and has said she doesn’t want to see her grandmother. I told her that it’s fine and she doesn’t have to see her, I would be there the whole time to support her. To make her feel better, we planned to make a day out with just me and her beforehand. <br><br>My mother showed up before I could tell her my plan had changed. She was angry that I changed my mind and wanted to know why. I said my daughter didn’t want to see her and she was upset about the idea of seeing her. My mother asked if she could just see her and I said no, no way at all. She offered to take her out somewhere without me but I said she was too young to be away from me like that. <br><br>My daughter was told that her grandmother was visiting. She came out and my mother barely looked at her. I was expecting her to be upset that my daughter is in a wheelchair but she didn’t mention that. She said:<br><br>“There’s something wrong with her, right? She looks slow or something.”<br><br>I said yes but didn’t say what. My daughter asked her if she wanted to play with her and my mother said no. I asked her to go play in her room and my daughter went upstairs. My mother stood up and looked around. When she sat back down she said:<br><br>“I didn’t know this was how you lived. I thought it would be nicer than this.”<br><br>I said it was good enough for us and she said but it’s so dirty. I said it was fine but she repeated herself. I said she could go if she was so disgusted with my home and she said she hadn’t seen her grandsons yet. I said she wouldn’t be seeing him at all and she asked why. I told her he was scared of strangers and she called him lies and said she wanted to see him. I said no and she said she wanted to see my “real son”. I asked her what she meant and she said by that she meant her white grandson, not the black one. I told her to get out of my house and she called me a bitch and said she was leaving, calling me a terrible mother for not letting her see her other grandson.<br><br>I told my daughter about what happened and she said good, she didn’t want to see her anyway. I told my son what happened and he didn’t understand so I explained in a way he would understand and he said he didn’t want to see her either. <br><br>My mother recently called my uncle and aunt crying about how I’m not letting her see her grandkids and that I hate her and don’t want a relationship with her. My uncle called me and said that I should let my mother see my kids or I would regret it. I said no and he asked why. I told him what my mother said and he said he understood but that I needed to let her see them. I said no and he said she was getting old, my kids needed to see her and that I needed to let them. I said my kids don’t want to see her and he said I needed to let them. I said no and he said he wouldn’t help me anymore, I needed to let her see them.<br><br>My kids are upset about this. My daughter said she was mad at me for saying okay in the first place and that she doesn’t want to see her grandmother again. My son just said he wants to go back to how things were before my mother tried to get in touch with us. I told both of them that I’m sorry and I will respect their choices from now on.<br><br>AITA for not letting my kids see their grandmother again?