I’m addicted to the shit that comes in my mailbox

I worked over 80 hours a week in 2021. I made over $250,000. Unfortunately, I spent most of that money on drugs, fast food, and a bunch of shit off of Amazon. In a span of two years, I ordered over 750 packages. I had over 30 fast food and coffee apps on my phone. Most of the money I made went into salt water taffy, the rest of it went into heroin. <br><br>I started buying heroin when my mom got sick. My brother and I had to take care of her. Most of the money that I made went to pay for her expensive cancer treatments. I was a 26 year old man when I first tried heroin. I loved it. I loved how it made me feel. I loved how it made everything okay. It felt good, and it felt right, and that was all that mattered at the time. I still made good money. I still made over a quarter of a million dollars, and I still worked 80 hours a week. I was very good at my job. But I was good at getting shit too. I had over 30 fast food apps on my phone. I ordered fast food for every meal and spent thousands of dollars a month doing so. I didn’t have time to cook. I didn’t have the energy to go to the gym. All I had time for was work. All I had energy for was heroin. I didn’t care if I got fat. I didn’t care if I lost my teeth. I didn’t care if I couldn’t run a mile. I cared about money. I cared about getting high. I cared about making sure that my mom felt okay, even if that meant that I felt okay and not her. <br><br>I ordered fast food for every meal. I always ordered extra dessert. I ordered extra fries, extra sauces, extra drinks, extra snacks. I ordered food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I ordered take out and delivery. Sometimes I had food delivered twice a day. I ordered pizza at midnight. I ordered coffee at 3 am. I had fast food for salt, fast food for sugar, fast food for comfort. Sometimes I ate in my car and sometimes I ate in bed. I always ordered extra dessert, always ordered extra fries. I loved food. I loved saltwater taffy. I loved heroin. I loved drugs. I loved it all. <br><br>I didn’t know how to take care of myself. I didn’t know how to cook. I didn’t know how to say no. I didn’t know how to stop. But I did know how to work. I did know how to game the system. I did know how to order shit online. I ordered thousands of dollars worth of shit every month. I ordered so much shit that I had to build an extra room in my house just to store all of the shit. I ordered so much shit that I had to hire someone just to put it all away. I didn’t have time to put it away. I didn’t have the energy to take it out of the box. I had over 100 packages delivered in a span of two weeks. Sometimes I had over 10 packages delivered in a single day. I had so many packages delivered to my house in such a short amount of time that the post office called me to ask if I was dead. They didn’t know what to do with all of the shit that I had ordered. They didn’t know where to put it all. Sometimes I spent over $2,000 a day on shit that I didn’t need. Sometimes I didn’t even open the box. I didn’t have the time or the energy. I didn’t have a reason. I didn’t have a want. I just liked having shit around. I liked the feeling of it. <br><br>I didn’t open most of the shit that I bought. Most of it came in a box. Sometimes I didn’t even open the package. I had boxes and boxes and boxes of shit that I had never even opened. Sometimes I spent thousands of dollars a month on shit that I never even touched. I didn’t have the time or the energy. I didn’t have a reason. I didn’t have a want. Most of the shit I bought came in a box. Most of the shit I bought I never even opened. Sometimes I spent thousands of dollars a month on shit that I never even touched. Sometimes I didn’t even open the box. <br><br>I had a bad habit of buying the wrong things. I spent thousands of dollars a month on shit that I didn’t need. I spent thousands of dollars a month on shit that I had never even used. I didn’t know what I was doing with my life. I didn’t know what I was doing with my money. I didn’t know what I was doing with my time. I didn’t know what I was doing. I had over 100 pairs of Airpods. I had over 50 pairs of Air Force Ones. I had over 30 pairs of boots. I had over 100 ties. I had thousands and thousands of dollars worth of jewelery. I had thousands and thousands of dollars worth of decorations. I had thousands and thousands of dollars worth of shit. I didn’t know what I was doing with my money. I didn’t know what I was doing with my time. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew that I was making a lot of money and that I was spending a lot of money. <br><br>I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t know how to say no. I didn’t know how to not open up Amazon on my phone. I didn’t know how to not order shit. I didn’t know how to not spend money. Most of the shit I spent my money on, I never even got to use. Sometimes I spent thousands of dollars a month on shit that I never even touched. Sometimes I didn’t even open the box. I didn’t have the time or the energy. I didn’t have a reason. I didn’t have a want. I just liked having shit around. I liked the feeling of it. I liked the feeling of money, of power, of freedom. But I didn’t have any of those things. I had shit. I had wants. But I didn’t have needs. I had money. But I didn’t have freedom. I had power. But I didn’t have control. <br><br>I didn’t know how to take care of myself. I only knew how to take care of others. I didn’t know how to love. I only knew how to hate. I didn’t know who I was or where I was going with my life. I only knew that I was trying to get somewhere. I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t know how to say no. I didn’t know how to not open up Amazon on my phone. I didn’t know how to not order shit. I didn’t know how to not spend money. I didn’t know anything. I just knew that I was addicted to the shit that came in the mail, and that I spent most of my money on saltwater taffy and saltwater heroin and fast food and fast money and fast freedom, and I didn’t know how to stop.