Off the Hook

I have no idea who I am anymore. There was a time when everyone thought it important to label me. I was given names and I was given abilities. I was told what my life’s mission was and what I wanted to achieve.<br><br>Then came the moment when all of that was ripped away. The one moment that would change my path forever. The one moment that everyone keeps replaying, keeps retelling. It’s like they’re trying to figure me out, to find a traitor in my camp, one that would explain exactly why I would do such things.<br><br>I am not evil. I know that.<br><br>I met you in a time of major change. A time when our world was being turned upside down. It was no wonder that my world became turned upside down as well.<br><br>In the beginning, I didn’t think you were the right person for me. But your intelligence and your ambition made you so beautiful to me. You were fiercely independent and that was my downfall. You were so fierce and so strong, and you ignited something in me that no one else ever had.<br><br>I thought I was in control but I was never in control of anything. I was never as strong as I thought and then, when I fell for you, I realized that I was never as independent as I had thought. I needed you. I craved you. <br><br>You were a mystery to me. Something I couldn’t figure out. It was like you were speaking a different language. You were so much braver than me, so much braver than everyone I knew. I wanted to be like you. I wanted to feel that confidence and that strength that you embodied so well.<br><br>I was willing to do anything to make you happy. I was willing to do anything for you. You say that I ruined you, but you were ready to ruin yourself. I knew that. I thought you were doing it for me, but in the end, I realized you did it for yourself. <br><br>I understood eventually that you were not the person for me. I wish you were. I wish that I could have been with you, could have made a home with you. I never loved you. I know that now. I was willing to do anything you told me though. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to love you.<br><br>I thought that I couldn’t live without you. But I am. I am living without you. And I am surviving. I am surviving and I am taking back my strength and I am finally becoming what I was meant to be.<br><br>You have no idea what you did for me.<br><br>#PeterPan