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When I first started this journey I would see the bugs, but I always thought that they were crickets that were dying. It was horrifying to see them dying with their bodies that looked horrifying and their backs ripped open. It was a constant reminder of that was happening around us whether we realized it or not. <br><br>At that time, I was in the middle of the worst year of my life. I was a student with a job, that had recently broken up with the love of my life. He was my soulmate but he was not mentally or emotionally available for a relationship. I was stuck in my own miserable life, and too afraid to do anything to change it.<br><br>One day I saw a bug that was still alive on the floor. It looked exactly like the bugs that I saw that were dead, but it was moving. It was going through a process that I had never seen before. It was molting. <br><br>There was that horrifying looking bug, living its best life. It didn’t need or want me to feel bad for it. It didn’t care what I thought. It was living, and it was happy. It was molting, an incredible process for an insect to go through. They go through so much in their short lives. Birth, growth, molting, death. And then they do it all over again. <br><br>I thought about how many times I had done that. How many times was I that insect, horrifying to the outside world but content within itself. Or how many times was I that dead bug, with my body ripped open, and nobody knew any better. <br><br>I thought about all of the other people that might be like that. How many horrifying bugs are out there living their lives, not caring what anyone else thinks. How many of us are living but too afraid to molt. How many of us are horrifying to others, not because we are horrifying, but because we are living a life that is different than what is expected. <br><br>I wanted to be that horrifying bug, living its best life, but too afraid to molt. I wanted to be that bug that was still horrifying but living its best life. <br><br>I started to see the beautiful patterns on their backs, the way that they moved, their wings, their beautiful colors. I started to see their beauty. <br><br>They are beautiful creatures, and horrifying ones. It is a constant reminder that we do not need to fit a mold or expectation to live. We do not need to be pretty. We do not need to be normal. We do not need to be horrifying. We can be anything. But if we are horrifying, we do not need to die. We can live. We can be beautiful. We can molt.<br><br>There is horrifying beauty in life, but life is beautiful.