I'm seriously contemplating suicide but I don't know if I have the courage to do it

I'm sick to my fucking stomach with this goddamn world. I'm only 19 but i have felt like killing myself for most of my life. There's no point and it really is a meaningless life filled with pain that no one acknowledges. I'm not good enough. I'm not wanted. I've tried to make an effort into our relationship both at home and with my friends. I've been a good friend to others and helped everyone I could, but it is all for nothing. I'm just tired and its not fair. I always put others before myself. The last time I tried to date I ended up being so depressed over it that I begged to stop going on dates. I'll never be good enough for anyone. I never will be. I'm so tired. I just want to end it. I'm not even scared of dying I am only scared if I don't actually end up dead. I'm sick to my stomach thinking about it but it is the only way to feel better. I feel like I am in a perpetual state of hurt and betrayal. I don't know how to stop feeling like this but I can't handle it anymore.