I sometimes feel like I was robbed of the gift of life, and now I have no choice but to live it.

I'm not sure if this has happened to anyone else, but the thought that I had no choice in coming into this world, the fact that I wasn't given a choice to either accept or decline the gift of life, has sometimes been tormenting me. Don't get me wrong, I take my life for granted and my mental health is pretty meh, but it's just a thought that's been plaguing me for quite some time.<br><br>When I look back at my life I can see a series of decisions that have led me here, but none of those decisions were mine alone. I had no choice but to be here. I feel like my entire life I've been trying to make this life mine, to create a sense of self and autonomy. Why would anyone have the right to decide for another person that they should be alive?<br><br>I feel like this is a situation where no matter what decision is made, its first consequence would be suffering. If I go back in time and kill the version of myself that was nothing but a sperm, an egg and Fallopian tubes, I'd essentially be killing myself, and thus end my suffering, but I'd also be putting myself through the suffering of going through my own death.<br><br>I could say that since the version of me before my birth wasn't conscious, it wouldn't feel pain or suffering, but that would be the same as saying I have no problem with abortion or suicide. If I had no problem with abortion or suicide, I'd have no problem with ceasing to exist, but that's not the case. I want to live. I don't know why.<br><br>I also can't talk about this to people because they'll see it as "complaining about having money, having a roof over my head, having access to good healthcare". As if that changes the fact that I was born against my will, that I'm obligated to suffer through the horrors of this world.