The pain of loneliness and social isolation from a woman’s perspective

I am a 48yr old woman who lives alone by myself. My only friends are my cats and occasionally my sister or niece. I work but I can’t seem to keep any friends for too long bc my mood changes are so unpredictable and not a lot of people can deal with it.<br><br>I spend my weekends home alone flying solo and it’s not an enjoyable state. Bc my mind is always preoccupied with the negative thoughts of whatever I did wrong that my relationships crumbled to nothing. I get these sinking feelings that it’s bc I’m just naturally not likable. I do have some people in my life that I can count on from time to time like my niece and sister but I just feel like there has to be more to this life other than what I’d call “existing” in it.<br><br>I have reached out for help about this from my work and my doctor (currently taking meds) but in my opinion not much help as my mind and negative thoughts and emotions are still very present and not one day goes by that I don’t think about how much I wanna escape this life and not be around anymore.<br><br>I have a hard time reaching out to other people bc I feel the burden of having to explain and them not understanding and being judgmental about it. It can feel very embarrassing.<br><br>I think it’s hard to explain the amount of pain and suffering you go through when you’re in this state. I feel like a part of me is dying. A part of me feels like I’m not living anymore and I feel like I’m just getting by. <br><br>I just feel like I want the loneliness to go away but I don’t see it happening anytime soon and it’s just hard to keep going when you feel so alone and isolated.