10 Things I learned

I was the one who accidentally posted yesterday, and now I'm not happy with all the hate that I've been getting. I'm also not happy with all the hate I've generated, but I guess that's on me.<br>So I figured a few things, 1 being that I have to get offline for a bit. 2 being that I have to give people some closure. <br>So here's my story, and what I think I learned from it.<br> <br>I am a woman, I have 2 children. I was separated from their father, but we were working on getting back together. My first memory of him was of him holding me, while he talked to his girlfriend. I'm also bi, I've been with more women than men. That doesn't really matter, but I just thought it would be an interesting fact about me. <br> <br>Our story started when he was 13, I was 11. We were both from very broken homes. My father died when I was little, my mother married again. My brother, and I were treated poorly. We were not allowed to eat until everyone was done. He would often call me stupid, and tell me I would never do anything with my life.<br> <br>When I was 13, he would come over to my house to hang out. I had a crush on him for the longest time, I finally, after working up the nerve, told him. His response, was that he was too good for me. That I was stupid, and that I would never do anything with my life. I was so heartbroken that it took me years to tell anyone how I felt again.<br> <br>Fast forward a few years, and I found him on Facebook. I decided to friend him. We started talking, and eventually met up. We started seeing each other pretty frequently. He was in a relationship, and I knew that. I still pursued him.<br> <br>We would hang out, and he would tell me all his secrets. I was the only one he trusted. When I found out he was using drugs, I tried to help him. It wasn't very easy, but I loved him. I loved the way he smelled, and the way he would hold me. He made me feel safe. I finally realized that I had been in love with him my whole life. So I waited, I waited for him to get his act together, and leave his girlfriend. <br> <br>Eventually, he left her, and we started a relationship. After about 6 moths, I was pregnant. We were both so excited, I had always wanted to be a mother, and he was happy too. A few months later, we found out that it was a boy. Right before our son was born, he asked me to marry him. I said yes, I was the happiest I had ever been.<br> <br>A few years later, I got pregnant again. While I was pregnant, I started to notice some red flags. He was hanging out a little too much with his ex. He was spending more, and more time with her. So I did what any woman would do, I snooped. That's when I found out, he was still in love with her. It didn't matter how much I tried, I could never be her. I was devastated, I felt like everything I had been through was for nothing. He didn't love me, he just thought I was someone he could settle down with. That he could be happy with, but that I would never be his true love.<br> <br>I was so angry, and I called off the wedding. He begged me to stay with him, I don't know why, but I did. He left when our daughter was 2 months old. I was so hurt, and I felt worthless. So I started spending more time with my best friend. We grew closer and eventually started a relationship. I felt like I could finally be happy again. But that feeling was short lived, because he wanted me back.<br> <br>He told me how much he missed me, and how much he loved me. He begged me to take him back, and I was stupid enough to do it. I thought that I could make him happy, and that he would always love me. That nothing could ever tear us apart. But I was wrong again. He met someone, and was immediately infatuated. He broke up with me, and left with her.<br> <br>I was so broken, and I didn't know what to do. I was alone, and I had 2 kids. I didn't know how I was going to make it through. I finally thought about contacting him again, and that's how I found her. I was surprised that he wanted to talk to me. She was so angry, and I understood why. I was angry too, I had been in her shoes before. That's when I realized that he had done the same thing to her, that he did to me.<br> <br>That's when I realized that I was a person, not a thing. I had been so blinded by my love for him that I had let him treat me poorly. I allowed him to walk all over me, and I didn't even realize it. I was so stupid, I let him break me.<br> <br>I feel bad for her, I really do. She's going through the same thing I went through. I can't fix it, I can't save her. She will have to realize on her own, that she is a person. I'm not sure, but I think she's getting there.<br> <br>I am happy now, I have an amazing relationship. I don't think about him, and I'm happy to move on from him. I finally feel like I can let him go, and that I will finally be ok. I learned a lot from being with him, and I hope that other people can learn from my mistakes. <br> <br>I learned that:<br> <br>- No one will love me more than me.<br> <br>- I am a person, and I deserve to be treated as one.<br> <br>- I deserve to be loved, but not at the expense of my own life.<br> <br>- I am not stupid, I am smart.<br> <br>- I can do anything that I set my mind to.<br> <br>- I can not save people, that they need to save themselves.<br> <br>- It is ok to move on.<br> <br>- It is ok to be alone, sometimes.<br> <br>- I will always be strong, I will always survive.<br> <br>I hope that after reading my story that you can learn too. I'm sorry again, and I wish you all the best.