What is the strangest thing you ever had to say to your penis

I was in a public bathroom and I had to say to my dick “Hello, I haven’t seen you in a while. I know you used to be a big part of my life but I haven’t needed you in ages because I am so used to pleasuring myself. But now that me and my wife are thinking of having kids, I realize now you haven’t been doing your main job. I am willing to give you another chance, but right now you are not doing shit. You’re limp, cold, and doing nothing to help us with the procreation process. You better man up (no pun intended) and be the man I know you can be, or you will be cut out of my life for good.” A gentleman in the stall next to me looked over and gave me a weird look then laughed.