I'm a nurse and I've had enough of people saying we are "heroes" because of the COVID-19 pandemic

I'm a nurse in a big hospital in Manhattan, NYC. I got in a few days ago and it was hell. The ER is full of COVID-19 patients and we literally are lacking everything. I am tired of hearing in the news saying that we are risking our lives to save others and all that shit. That's not true at all, or at least not like they say it. We aren't "heroes" We don't have a choice. If we don't go in, we will be fired. If I lose my job, my work visa for this shithole country will be cancelled and I'll have to return to my country. <br><br>The ER is full of corona virus cases, the ICU is full of them too and since we are lacking tests to determine it, we are assuming that everyone is positive. Even with that, we don't have any PPE and we have to reuse the masks we already have. The hospital I'm currently in is not my usual hospital, I was transferred to another one because "all hands on deck" and all that bullshit. <br><br>The people that are really exposed to the virus are the residents. Since the situation in the hospitals is so crazy, they are sending them to care for the patients. One of them, which is in his 30s, got infected. He's in the ICU right now with a very bad case of pneumonia. <br><br>I'm 26 and I'm fucking scared, the situation is going from bad to worse and still people are out and about. I'm scared I'll contract it and infect my family back home. I have a sister that suffers from asthma and she would be in a very high risk situation if she were to contract it. And if I couldn't go back home, I'd rather kill myself than to risk my family. <br><br>The situation in the hospital is going to get worse. We are lacking everything and the nurses are starting not to show up to work out of fear. And still we have dumbasses going out to the park or to have drinks. <br><br>I may not be a "hero" but the real heroes are the residents. They're the ones risking everything to save others.