The worst day of my life

I don't know why I'm even posting on this subreddit. I made this account and I don't really know why I logged back in today. Let's just say this is my attempt at catharsis.<br><br>I just started dating this guy this weekend, on Friday we went to a dinner at 8 and that was it. He was 7 decades ahead of schedule and I was 2 decades behind. Our 1st date went on for 4 hours, and we talked for another hour that night. I was excited. It was great. I felt like I had found the one because we got along so well. We had so much in common. I was so optimistic and excited for what was to come.<br><br>The next morning I texted him and asked how he was feeling. It was a classic "Hey how are you feeling? How did you sleep?" text. He responded with "I'm 80. Sorry." And that was it. No explanation what-so-ever. 7 decades ahead of schedule and that's it? what the hell 80 year old does that?<br><br>I had so much hope that this would be my first relationship that I was so excited I texted "what the hell? we were really getting along...idk what 80 has to do with it but that's pretty pathetic." - I texted this and I don't know why. I think I wanted to get under his skin, to make him feel bad because I didn't know why he was so dismissive of my interest. I've never been in a relationship before and what was supposed to be the day that my first relationship started just turned into nothing that morning. I texted this and I started to cry. Why? I don't even know. I just felt like I had put my heart out there and he just crushed me...and I just wanted him to feel that way too - I don't know why I did it and what possessed me to do that. Why 80? why did I respond? why did I text him like that? I don't know. I don't even know why I asked how he was feeling. I had so much hope that I thought "what if he feels the same way? what if he wants a second date?"...but he didn't...and my dumb 21-year-old naive heart was broken and I just broke up with the guy I never even dated.<br><br>He read the text and it was over. When I say 7 decades ahead of schedule, what I mean is that he texted back and called me pathetic and I was just a "smart girl, but I was a dumbass when it came to men" and that I was "so so so so so mean" and it was just over. I can't even describe that conversation because it was like an attack. I mean I've had a boyfriend before, but I guess I've never had a boyfriend that was so...so... I don't even know...I think he was just mad I called him pathetic...he thought I was pathetic and that I was trying to hurt him... I don't even know...I don't know why he responded like that. I mean I get it. I lashed out, but then he just started saying "I'm sorry I wasted your time" and that "I never wanted to go out in the first place". <br><br>I think I just wanted to make him feel bad. I feel so bad when I look back on that whole conversation and all I can think about was that I was so angry I just wanted to hurt him and lashed out. I don't know why. I can laugh about it now, but I mean to call him pathetic? that's just so mean. I asked him why he went out with me if he never wanted to go out with me in the first place and he said he "felt bad" and that I was "acting really strange". I mean what the hell? I think he was just so taken aback, but all he kept saying was "I'm sorry you're so pathetic". I don't even know why. I just wanted to make him feel bad. I was so angry. I don't even know why I mean I was just so angry. I don't know why. I don't even know why I mean I was so angry. I don't even know why I asked him out. I don't even know why he said I was strange. I feel like I just went out to dinner to ask this guy out for him to say I was acting strange... I don't even know. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I mean I'm not even being romantic...idk why 80...idk what 80 has to do with it...but he called me pathetic. I feel pathetic even thinking about how my first date went. Why? I don't even know.<br><br>So I got angry about him calling me pathetic and I just started to fire back. I mean I was so angry I was just firing off texts left and right. I don't even know why...I just wanted to hurt him so bad that I didn't even care about what I said. I was so angry...just so angry. I don't even know why...I just wanted to hurt him...I wanted him to feel like shit...just like me. It's so pathetic and I hate myself for it. I feel pathetic and disgusting. I don't even know why. I don't even know what I said. I just wanted to hurt him. My dumb naive heart just broke in half when he said he never wanted to go out with me and I just wanted him to feel like shit. I feel pathetic and disgusting and I don't even know why...I don't even know why I'm posting this. I mean why did I even ask him out? And why did he even say yes? What a pathetic meaningless, useless, shit person I am. I don't even know why or why this is happening to me or why he said that. I mean why would you even say you feel bad for someone? and I was acting strange? and he never wanted to go out with me... why...idk why 80...idk why...and why did I text him what I did?...I mean why 80...idk...I just feel pathetic and so disgusting that I don't even know why.<br><br>&#x200B;