I'm afraid that this might be the last time we see each other

I wrote this in the letter that I left for my sister after I moved out on Saturday. <br><br>It was 90% her fault that I left. Before I moved in with her and her husband in mid June, we were close. We were the only two kids in our family, and we were Irish Twins. That's what they call siblings that are less than 12 months apart in age. <br><br>We've been thick as thieves for our entire relationship, and when we were kids, we couldn't stand each other. And because of that, her actions this weekend cut really, really deep. <br><br>We've both been through a lot. We both suffer from severe psychological trauma, and when I moved in to help her get settled into her new house after her and her husband moved to the state closest to our home state, I thought that we'd be the support that each other needed. <br><br>I've known for quite awhile that we've had problems as adults, even though we were friends. We grew into different people as we got older, and we found out we didn't have that much in common anymore. We've tried several times to have a relationship. It's failed almost every single time. <br><br>I moved in with her to help her get settled. I was pretty much homeless because I couldn't get support in my own state after my fianc&#549;e committed suicide in early June. I had no one. I didn't have a place to live, I didn't have a job, I didn't have access to my old car. I had nothing, and I felt empty inside. <br><br>So I moved in with my sister for two reasons, the previously stated, and so that I could be close enough to see my old friends and begin rebuilding my life. I knew it would be hard to do all of this, but I knew I had to. <br><br>I was also aware that because of the trauma that we've both experienced, that there was going to be huge obstacles in the way as we tried this again. <br><br>But I was willing to try. I looked forward to getting to know her again, and get over our differences. I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to be able to talk to her again, and I wanted her to be able to talk to me. I wanted to be her rock, just like I was for my fianc&#549;e. <br><br>And at first, things were alright. We had a lot to do in the first two months that I was there. <br><br>And when we sat down to talk about things, and how our relationship could work, I was excited. <br><br>And then, her husband got involved. <br><br>And then her best friend got involved. <br><br>And after all of that happened, I realized that I would never be able to be close to her again. They had both convinced her that I was a bad person. They convinced her that I was evil, and even though it wasn't really true, I decided to play up to that.<br><br>I left on Saturday afternoon to stay with one of my closest friends from high school. He picked me up, because my sister's husband had driven up and down the street that I lived on, looking for me, after she realized I was gone. <br><br>I decided to leave on Friday after she accused me of going through her will, which I did. <br><br>But I looked at it for the same reason that she looked at mine. <br><br>She wanted to know if she was written out of it, and I wanted to know the same thing. <br><br>I did this because I had looked back at our entire lives, and I realized that she'd been gaslighting me her entire life. So I decided to look to see if I was written out. <br><br>I wasn't. But her two best friends were. And because I knew she was causing problems, I didn't tell her. <br><br>She found it out on Thursday night when she went through my suitcase after I went to sleep. She found my copy and she accused me of going through hers because mine was out. <br><br>She tried to make me feel bad for doing it, yet she had looked at mine. And because of that, I snapped. <br><br>I snapped and I decided to show her mine. I showed her that she wasn't written out, but her two best friends were. <br><br>She left my room, and didn't come back in until Friday. And when she did, she told me that she wanted me out by 4. <br><br>So I did it. I called my friend and I left. And I won't be back. <br><br>I know she's not a bad person. And I still love her. But because of everything that happened in the past two months, I decided to leave. <br><br>That's why I wrote her the note. I wrote her the note so that she'd know how I was feeling. <br><br>It was a very, very long letter. It went over all of the things that had went wrong over the past two months, it went over our entire lives, and it spelled out exactly how I was feeling. <br><br>I told her I loved her, but I didn't like her. <br><br>I told her that I would always be here for her, but I'd never see her or talk to her again. <br><br>And I told her that no matter how bad this situation got, I had to do it. <br><br>I told her I had to do it because I wasn't going to allow someone to treat me badly just because we share the same blood. <br><br>I told her I had to do it because I couldn't allow her to treat me like this after all we've been through. <br><br>I told her that I loved her more than anyone on this earth, and that I'd never hate her. <br><br>But I told her that I hated her choices. And because of them, I left.<br><br>I told her that I still consider her my best friend even if I don't like her. <br><br>And I told her that I wasn't upset that she done this, I was hurt that she done this. <br><br>I then went into our entire history, dating back to when we were kids, and all of the things she'd done that hurt me. <br><br>I then went into the past two months. And I listed off all of the things that she'd done that hurt me over the past two months. <br><br>I ended the letter by telling her that I looked forward to seeing her at the nursing home when our mom gets moved in. <br><br>I knew that this would be the last time we'd see each other for a long time, and I knew we wouldn't see each other after our mom passed on. <br><br>That's why I wrote the letter, and that's why I did it. <br><br>It's been two days since I left. <br><br>She hasn't called or texted me, and I don't expect her to. <br><br>I don't expect her to because I cut her deep. <br><br>I cut her deep, and I knew I would when I wrote the letter. <br><br>But I had to tell her how I was feeling. <br><br>I had to tell her how much pain she'd caused me. <br><br>I had to tell her that even though she's my flesh and blood, I won't allow her to treat me like that because of it. <br><br>I had to tell her that I loved her, but I didn't like her. <br><br>I had to write the letter, because if I didn't, a part of me would have died. <br><br>I had to do it. <br><br>And I'll never regret it.