I’ve been dating a man for over a year and just discovered he’s trans. I’m not sure what to do.

I’ve been dating a man for over a year and just discovered he’s trans. I’m not sure what to do.<br><br>I’ve known my current boyfriend for over three years now and we’ve been dating for 1 year 4 months. He’s an amazing, genuine, and incredibly kind, thoughtful, and caring man. He’s always been open and honest with me about everything - but clearly not about this. He’s always been respectful. I’ve always been comfortable in our relationship. We’ve been intimate. Not full-on sex, but everything besides. Also important to note; I would not considered myself transphobic in any way. I am not uncomfortable or unhappy with him being trans, although I am hurt he didn’t tell me sooner and am still getting used to the idea.<br><br>I have a difficult time opening up to people and trusting people as well, so I understand why he didn’t come forward with the information right away. <br><br>This is what happened. I wanted to pay for his phone bill for a year because I make a lot more money than he does. I pay for my own bills and it would make things easier for both of us - I just wanted to help him. When I went to pay his phone bill, the employee asked me for my license to verify the information for him. I had to walk her through my license information; first and last name, address, birthdate, etc. She was confused at my license information being different then what was in the system under his phone number. So obviously his dead name is under the system, and I had no idea. I was utterly confused. I thought it was my license info that had the incorrect info. It was embarrassing. Later we were driving in his car and I asked him about it because I thought he was using a fake ID and I wanted to know why. He just started crying and was telling me he was sorry and used to go by his dead name. I could just tell by the way he was acting that he was trans. I’ve been given some dead stares by men before when I asked about their name, so I know a bit about the dead name situation. <br><br>I asked him about it and he said, yeah, I’m trans. I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while but I was scared to. I’ve been given weird looks and treated poorly by women when they’ve found out I’m trans, and I was afraid you’d feel the same. I didn’t want to ruin our relationship. <br><br>I told him I was completely okay with it, it doesn’t make a difference if he’s trans or not, but I was hurt he didn’t tell me sooner. I asked if I could call him by a different name when we were alone, even if it’s in public, and he seemed utterly relieved and happy that I was okay with it. I was upset because I felt lied to. Like, we could’ve named our future kids after his original first name if it meant that much to him, you know? But I can also see why he didn’t tell me; we were both scared to open up to each other. <br><br>I was in a very abusive relationship in the past and I’m still recovering from it. I’ve been to therapy and I’m doing much better now. So I know why he was afraid to tell me. I just wish he told me sooner. <br><br>He also has a bit of a masculine Adam’s apple but I didn’t really think much of it. I just assumed it was genetics. <br><br>I feel a bit confused; I don’t know if I should feel weird, or if it’s okay to not feel weird at all. I’m just not at all uncomfortable with him being trans. He’s still the same person to me. I would marry him. But I’m still grieving the fact that I’ve been lied to and I feel like I didn’t even know him. I feel like I don’t know his past, his childhood, or anything about him. Like, we’ve both been given nicknames by our friends and family that are the first letter of our first name, or at least I thought it was. Also, I know trans people can have very masculine facial hair and voices, it’s just a lot to take in. I don’t feel weird, it’s just a lot to process. <br><br>I feel weird because every woman I know who’s been in a relationship with a trans man has always been uncomfortable with it, even if they’re not transphobic. They’ve always been given weird looks by the trans men when they’ve brought it up, and the men have acted weird about it. I’ve always heard negative stories from people about it. But I don’t feel that way at all. I would utterly support him, and I don’t think he’s any less of a man for it. I’ve always been utterly impressed by the strength and courage it takes for someone to come out as trans, and I still am. I just wish he told me sooner. I feel like I’ve been living a lie; everything I thought I knew about him was wrong. I feel like I don’t know him, and that we both lied to each other. <br><br>I’ve been utterly distraught about it. I’ve been utterly distraught about my past relationship for years now; this is just another thing to add to my list. I’m also worried we won’t be able to do certain things. Like, what if I wanted to have biological kids? Is that impossible now? I’m not sure. <br><br>I asked him if he’s had any surgeries or used any hormones, and he said yes, years ago, but he hasn’t in a while. <br><br>I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve been lied to. I feel confused and like everything I know about him was wrong. I feel like I don’t know him. But I also feel utterly relieved that it’s not something worse; he’s not cheating on me, he doesn’t have some horrible disease, he’s not abusive, etc. It’s not something bad; it’s just something different. And I appreciate that he’s been open and honest with me about it and isn’t mad at me.<br><br>I just feel utterly confused and unsure of what to think or do. Am I overreacting? I just don’t know. Should I feel weird? I don’t know. I don’t feel weird. But I’m hurt that he didn’t tell me sooner.