I'm angry that I get jealous of friends when they get in relationships

I'm angry that my brain automatically compares my life to everyone else whenever they make an achievement. I graduated college and they cannot wait to post their multiple posts of pictures on facebook/instagram. I'm angry that they get to have a milestone and I get to have nothing. I'm angry that I always think I'm worthless and they all are making something of themselves. I'm angry that I think I'm worthless when I know deep down that I have my own strengths and accomplishments. But know matter how well I do for myself, my stupid brain always makes me feel worthless and cannot wait to criticize my life when everyone else gets something. <br><br>Why can't I feel like I have done something for myself at least once. I'm jealous that cannot be proud of myself. Why can't I be proud of myself for my education and job? Why did I feel so lonely when I graduated and my family didn't come for me? I graduated at the top of my class and I cannot be proud of myself at all. I'm angry that I graduated at the top of my class and didn't get any recognition. I hate that I need recognition to feel proud of myself. I'm jealous of the fact that my brain needs someone else to validate me. I'm angry that I'm jealous of my friends. I love and want the best for them. And I'm so happy that they get to be in love. But why does my brain automatically think " well they get to be in love and I don't". Why can't I be happy for my friends and also be proud of myself. <br><br>I'm angry that my brain naturally goes to negative thoughts and makes me feel worthless. I'm angry that I automatically think I'm worthless when I know well that I'm not. Why the fuck can't I think positive thoughts? My whole life I've been taught to be proud of myself and that everyone is on different timing and that's okay. But why can't I think like that? Why does my brain have to think the worse at all times? I'm angry that I have to be a positive vibe to make my friends know that I'm proud of them while I'm secretly destroying myself inside. I'm angry that I have to pretend everything is okay when it's not.