A message from Poland.

Dear American friends, I hope you're doing well. I am a Polish woman, I live in a small town near Warsaw. I am writing to you today because I can't really express my feelings in Polish, as they are excruciatingly painful. I lived through two miscarriages, and I felt terrible guilt and shame. I was told it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't do anything to help myself. I couldn't bear the thought of burying a child... I'm shaking right now as I'm writing this. I felt terrible guilt and shame. You know what helped? Speaking to my loved ones about it, the love and support they gave me. Not being told by some stranger that I should be ashamed of myself. I thought I wasn't worthy of love. I felt terrible guilt and shame. And today, this feeling came back. I am ashamed of myself. I am Polish, I should have done more. I should have gone to the protests, I should have been more active in supporting this "movement". I should have been braver. I should have done something. I can't shake the feeling that this is somehow my fault. I should have done something. I should have been braver. I'm crying now, and I should probably end this entry, but I wanted you to know this. I am ashamed today, I thought I wasn't worthy of love. But I am worthy. I am not guilty of anything. I felt terrible guilt and shame. And you should not feel that way either. And today, this feeling came back. No, you are not guilty. You are not guilty. You are not guilty. You are not guilty. You were braver than me. You were braver than me. I am ashamed of myself. No, you are not. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You should be proud of yourself. I should have done something. You did more than I did. I should have been braver. No, you are braver than me. I thought I wasn't worthy of love. You are worthy of love. I am not guilty of anything. You are not guilty of anything. I am not guilty of anything. I am not guilty of anything. I am not guilty of anything. And today, this feeling came back. No, you are not guilty. You are not guilty. You are not guilty. You are not guilty.