My husband (M51) has thrown me(F47) under the bus to our children.

(I wrote a similar post 28 days ago at the behest of the chambers community but ended up deleting it, because I felt it was too wordy and confusing. I have been using the chambers app on my phone exclusively as well. My apologies for formatting and grammar issues. I wanted to challenge myself to type slower, re-read and edit more thoroughly before hitting the post button.)<br><br>I have been married to Jim for 16 years and we have two children together (M13 and F9). I also have two adult children from a previous marriage who we would see but don’t live with us(M25 and F23).<br><br>From the beginning of our relationship we always tried to be open and communicate. Discussing the things that hurt us and to try to talk through issues. It wasn’t perfect, but we were happy. We shared raising our kids. We went on vacations together. We had date nights. Sometimes we even had an argument that didn’t linger too long. We felt like we had a good foundation to tackle things that come up. <br><br>When our daughter was born we encountered our first major hurdle as a couple. She was born a micro preemie at 24 weeks and 5 days gestation. Several times her birth and death seemed imminent. But she continued to thrive and eventually was discharged from the NICU after 135 days. This took an immense toll on both of us, but we worked through it. We sought help, counseling and took the time we needed to heal as a couple and family. It was the lowest point in our relationship.<br><br>In the past two years we have struggled communicating like we used to. I’ve expressed my worries about this and suggested couples counseling several times. He had never taken me up on the offer until this past Wednesday. He agreed to counseling and the appointment was set for two weeks from the day we set it.<br><br>His ex-wife passed away suddenly last weekend. He shared with me that she had been sick with cancer, but didn’t think it would take her so soon. I offered for him to take some time to grieve. Hug his children and let them know he was there for them. I made sure he knew I was there for him. I told him to cancel the counseling appointment if he needed more time. He didn’t seem interested in any of these offers. He did call his sister up and she came to spend a few days. She left Wednesday morning and he went to work as usual.<br><br>On Thursday, we had a minor issue with food in the fridge. We have a habit of making leftovers when we cook. It keeps for several days and everyone can grab a quick bite as needed. I had made fried chicken the night before and it was still in the fridge. Before I got home from work he went home and made himself a turkey sandwich. He then discarded all the chicken and sides I had made and washed the dishes from the meal. He then went on with his day while I was at work at the restaurant.<br><br>When I got home I made myself a sandwich and a plate of leftovers to take to our son at baseball practice. I noticed all the chicken was gone. I asked my husband what happened to the leftovers and he said he didn’t want to eat it so he threw it away. I was shocked because I specifically made that meal for him because it’s his favorite comfort food. He said he was hungry and didn’t want to wait for me to get home with chicken. The argument got a bit heated as I felt he had gone too far. I understand getting a bite to eat, but he didn’t have to discard all of the food. It was no longer an issue about leftovers. It was about him not thinking about others. He didn’t think that his children, his son in particular, would have been excited to have leftovers. He didn’t think I had gone to the effort to make the food. I just felt like he didn’t respect me or consider the people around him. <br><br>That night things got worse. He had his sons with him and he told them that I had been mean to him and yelled at him for throwing away chicken. I felt like I was being belittled and made to look like a horrible person. I didn’t yell at him, but I was upset. The boys looked shocked. Like they had never heard me talk to him like that before. Later that night he made a comment and I laughed out loud. That set him off. He said I was being sarcastic and making fun of him. I was just laughing. I felt so dumbfounded. Where did he get this from? Why is he so worked up?<br><br>I started to put the clues together. He had been less talkative and less willing to help me with things around the house. He had been taking off on the weekends to go alone to the cabin and then the beach. I felt like something was going on with him but he wasn’t talking to me. He was an emotional mess and I didn’t know what was going on in his head.<br><br>Friday morning I woke up early. I went downstairs and made a cup of coffee. As I sat down, he sat with me and said we needed to talk. He admitted that he and his ex-wife had been talking and meeting up for coffee. They had been talking all this time and that he felt like he was in love with her again. He was no longer in love with me. He said he realized how poorly he treated me and his family for the last two years. He didn’t mean to treat me that way. He said he was thinking about what it would be like to be with her and he was so excited for the future until she died. He said she died on Valentine’s Day and that he was heartbroken. He was so confused. He didn’t know how to feel. He wanted her but she was dead. He wanted us to separate so he could figure out what he wanted for the future.<br><br>I sat there stunned and hurt. We had no issues. I had no idea that he was unhappy. He didn’t communicate anymore. He had started living another life. I feel deceived. I feel betrayed. I want him to leave. I feel so lost and so hurt. I am in so much pain and I don’t know what to do.<br><br>We live in a home he and his ex-wife bought together. He has never considered it our home. He has always made me feel like I was a guest here and one day he would kick me out. I have to leave. The kids have been told and they said they would rather see him than their father kick me out and live here without me. I am broken. I thought we had an agreement that we would always communicate. I thought we were happy.<br><br>I’ve been to one counseling session. I’m going tomorrow. I have an appointment with a lawyer and looking for a place to stay. I feel so alone and so hurt. I don’t know what to do. I just know I need to do something because this can’t go on any longer.<br><br>TLDR; My husband told his children that I was mean and nasty to him because he threw away leftovers that I made for him. I feel like he is trying to undermine me and make me look bad in front of our children. What should I do?