Vindication? ...or Dies. Whoever comes first.

So I know I'm not supposed to call myself lonely, but I'm a lonely guy. There are a lot of post with men shouting *I DIDNT GO BECAUSE MY BALLS DROPPED FOR MY WIFE ...much later than I anticipated*. There are a lot of posts like this.<br><br>I can't shout it, because my balls dropped today. I'd like to keep my freedom. I know *I know* that I'm a loser. I don't need to be reminded. I just... just ... I know *I know* I can't say I hate women. I just don't ...much. I know I'm a fiend.<br><br>I did a lot of dating, a lot of fucking. One of the best moments in my life were when I was fucking a girl from the back, thinking about how I was ...pretty sure I was going to come in her ass. I remember thinking - *this is it. This is it. This is as happy as I'm ever going to be*. Only to find it wasn't going to happen after all. I remember feeling a rush of shame and guilt that ...well that I think I've carried ever since.<br><br>I don't remember what the girl looked like. I don't remember her name. I just remember the feeling. It's been eating at me ever since, and the last few years I've been feeling sad. Real sad. I've never felt so lonely. My friends have all married up, and so have my sisters. I know they're all going to start having kids any minute now. I can't help but wonder what my ...what my *kids* are going to look like. I don't remember what the girl looked like, and I don't remember her name. I just remember the feeling.<br><br>I did a lot of dating, a lot of fucking. I know I've wasted my life, I know I've wasted potential. I know I've disappointed my parents, know I've disappointed *myself*. I'm going to die alone. Maybe. Hopefully. I don't know.<br><br>I just know that my balls dropped today, and it ...feels *good*. I want to feel this way for the rest of my life. There is nothing I want more.<br><br>Wife, comes first.<br><br>**Update ...much later than I anticipated**<br><br>I know I'm not supposed to call myself lonely, but I'm a lonely guy. There are a lot of post with men shouting *I DIDNT GO BECAUSE MY BALLS DROPPED FOR MY WIFE ...much later than I anticipated*. There are a lot of posts like this.<br><br>I can't shout it, because my balls dropped today. ...much later than I anticipated. I'd like to keep my freedom. I know *I know* that I'm a loser. I don't need to be reminded. I just... just ... I know *I know* I can't say I hate women. I just don't ...much. I know I'm a fiend.<br><br>I didn't do a lot of dating, I didn't do a lot of fucking. One of the best moments in my life were when ...well I'm not sure yet. Only to find it ...well I'm not sure yet. I remember thinking - *this is it. This is it. This is as happy as I'm ever going to be*. Only to find it ...well I'm not sure yet. I remember feeling a rush of shame and guilt that ...well I'm not sure yet.<br><br>I don't remember what the girl looked like. I don't remember her name. I don't remember the feeling. I ...just know. I know I've wasted my life, I know I've wasted potential. I know I've disappointed my parents, know I've disappointed *myself*. I'm going to die alone. Maybe. Hopefully. I don't know.<br><br>I just know that my balls dropped today, and it ...feels *good*. I want to feel this way for the rest of my life. There is nothing I want more.<br><br>Wife, comes first.<br><br>I think I'm happy.