I don't like writing rape scenes. I hate it. But I feel a need to write a story about someone overcoming trauma.

A disclaimer before I begin. I have never been raped or sexually assaulted. I don't know much about the subject, but I want to explore it in a story I'm currently writing. <br><br>When I was in college I dated a guy who wanted to see me through the end of my academic career. But I had other plans--to travel after graduation. Our relationship ended, and I moved on to different men. I didn't really care for them. I don't think they cared much for me. I was in a cloud, waiting for a chance to get away. Nothing really existed for me until I had left the country.<br><br>That's the premise of my story. A woman in a cloud, blinded to all the things around her. She travels and meets a man. They're sexually attracted to each other, but she has a lot of sexual hang-ups and she can't connect with him. She's not ready to connect with him.<br><br>I don't want to write a rape scene. I don't want to write a graphic description of rape. I don't want to write about a victim being blamed for it. I don't want to write about how it's the rapist's fault, either. I don't want to write a rape scene at all! But I feel if I don't write it, I'm doing my main character a disservice. <br><br>I've read a lot about rape. I've researched the psychology of a rapist's mind and I've researched the trauma it leaves on victims. I've read a lot of accounts of what it's like to be raped, and I feel like I've come to some conclusions about how I'm going to approach it. But I'm scared. I feel like I'm walking on glass. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I don't want to offend anyone. I don't want to write something that might be triggering. I don't want to mess it up.<br><br>I want to approach it with delicacy. I want to approach rape like the plague. I never want to write about a woman's body being violated. I never want to write the word "rape". I want to write about it abstractly, without giving away too many details. I don't want to write a graphic description of rape. I don't want to write what it feels like to be the person being raped. I want to focus on the trauma it leaves on the victim. I want to focus on how much they suffer. I want to focus on how much they hate their own bodies. I want to focus on how they can't get in bed with someone else because of it. I want to focus on their depression and anxiety. I want to show how much it hurts to be a victim, how much it hurts to be in their skin.<br><br>But I also want to show how empowering a loving relationship can be. When two people form a bond, when two people form a sensual and sexual relationship, it can be empowering! It can be nice! It can be pleasurable! It's not always painful and violating. A healthy relationship can help a person heal. It can help a person overcome trauma. It can help a person form a bond with their body again. It can help a person feel nice. It can help a person feel loved. It can help a person recover. <br><br>I don't want to write about rape. I want to write about overcoming the trauma of rape. I want to write about healing. I want to write about the power of a healthy relationship, and how much it can help a victim recover. <br><br>But I'm still scared. I'm still walking on glass. I'm still walking on eggshells. I don't want to mess it up. I don't want to say the wrong thing. I don't want to say anything offensive. I don't want to do it wrong! I don't want to write anything that might be triggering! I don't want to write anything that will hurt someone! But I feel like I have to write it. I have to tell this story. I want to help.