I watched my girlfriend die in front of me and couldn't do anything to save her

It was the most horrific day of my life. I met my girlfriend in college, we were in the same class. I loved her more than words could describe. We had plans on marrying after graduation. I was going to propose to her on our anniversary this past Friday.<br><br>We were driving home from the movies. I was driving. I saw a red light in front of us and for some reason it didn't register in my brain because I didn't stop. I blacked out for a second and I don't know why. The next thing I remember is my girlfriend screaming, "what the fuck are you doing?" and then our car was t-boned and my girlfriend's side of the car crashed into a tree. I remember seeing a car to my right and then it felt like the car was being lifted and crashing onto its wheels.<br><br>I gained consciousness in the hospital. I was in a lot of pain but not as much as emotionally when I heard she had passed away. It was all my fault. I keep thinking about the accident to this day. If only I had stopped at that light. If only I had seen it and stopped. If only I had reacted faster. I don't know what happened. I keep going over what could've been done, what I could've done, to prevent this. <br><br>I'm still in the hospital in a lot of pain. I have injuries in my legs and chest. I just want her back. I miss her so much. I keep thinking if only I was a better driver. If only I could've reacted in time. Why couldn't I react in time? Why did this have to happen? <br><br>It's my fault she's gone. Why couldn't it have been me instead? I don't want to live in a world where she doesn't exist.