For God's sake, be honest with yourself.

I'm going through a severe crisis because of my lack of progress in school, and the biggest thing I've realized is I keep lying to myself.<br><br>For those who don't know me, I've been in college for 5 years now to get a 2 year degree. Every time I get to a certain point, I always fail because I just can't afford to go to summer school or I get a job that I end up hating and can't focus on my school.<br><br>I've always said to myself that I'm going to change, but I never do. I always make excuses for myself, and it's getting harder and harder to find excuses.<br><br>I've realized that I'm not going to get better until I can admit to myself that I'm the problem.<br><br>I've also realized that being honest with myself doesn't mean hating myself. I've always been a hater of myself and I think that's given me permission to excuse myself. When you hate yourself, you don't want to admit to yourself that you're flawed, so you just make excuses for yourself. It's like me being overweight. I always say "Oh I can lose weight, but it's not that important right now" while I eat more cookies. I never say "I need to lose weight" or "I'm over weight right now." I always say "I can lose weight" because that gives me permission to not worry about it.<br><br>It's the same with my school. I always say "I can learn this", "I can do this", "I can get good grades," but I never say "I'm doing poorly right now". When you say "I can learn this," it gives you permission to not learn it.<br><br>Lastly, be honest with yourself and not with others. I've realized that I've always been honest with myself about what I need to change, I just didn't say it right. I would say "I'm not doing well in school" instead of saying "I'm doing poorly in school right now." See the difference? There's no CARE in saying "I'm not doing well," while saying "I'm doing poorly" does contain CARE. You can say "I'm not doing well" and not contain CARE for yourself. Saying "I'm doing poorly right now" makes me contain CARE for myself because I recognize that I'm doing poorly right now, so I want to make it better.<br><br>I hope this makes sense haha.<br><br>Edit: Oh wow, thank you so much for the support you guys haha :)