Why can’t I just have a friend?

You know, I have a few people who I consider what I would call a friend, I think at least, we have nice enough conversations and they help me out, I do the same for them. But I’m not sure why what I’m trying to communicate just doesn’t stick, I have ADHD and my brain works in a different way, I try so hard to make sure I understand it, but my brain just fucking sucks and it’s hard. I fucking hate it, I hate what it does to my life. I’m fucking sick of it, you ever fucking want to talk with somebody, and make it stick? Just fucking communicate with what I want, fucking sick of it already. I’m fucking sick of being alone, I’m fucking sick of what fucking ADHD does to my life, it’s not fucking fair, I just fucking want to be a fucking normal fucking fucking person, feel like I just don’t care anymore, got a text from an old friend I had from high school today and got really fucking excited and just haven’t felt fucking happy in a while, I don’t what will fucking happen with it, I fucking hope I can just fix this shit. Anyways, I’m just fucking annoyed, we have a lot of shit we could talk about, I’m in a similar situation as I was in high school, so I know we can relate. I just really fucking hope I can just make a real friendship.