I (28M) found out my son (5M) isn’t biologically mine, my wife (27F) is trying to use our son to stop me from divorcing her. How should I proceed?

Throwaway account.<br><br>I’ll get straight to the point.<br><br>I (28M) discovered that my son (5M) isn’t biologically mine after getting him a DNA test after I had suspicions. The test came back negative and I confronted my wife who confessed to having an affair with a former friend of mine (35M) who used to visit our house and was familiar with my son.<br><br>After I confronted my wife on the affair, she begged me to stay and said she was sorry. I was spent and while I was upset, I said I had to come to terms with what I found out which was fine with her. Last night I told her I wanted a divorce and that I’m going to miss my boy but I don’t think I can stay in the marriage. She started crying and said I was being selfish, that I was leaving my boy who loves me and needs a father. She told me how I was a great father, how I took care of him and provided for him all this time, why should that change? She said she made a mistake but it was years ago and can’t we just move past it? I said I need some time to come to terms with what’s happening but she said I shouldn’t need to. She kept mentioning our son and how he will be heartbroken if I left him.<br><br>I said ok I’ll stay BUT only if she lets me go about my life as I was before without mentioning our son, that’s my condition. She agreed but then I said I also need her to understand I will not be expecting any sexual intimacy between us if I decided to stay and she started crying again and asking me how I can live under the same roof as her and not be intimate with her as husband and wife should. I said I just can’t fathom having sex with a woman who betrayed me like that.<br><br>I’ve known this woman since I was 19 and she was 18, we’ve been together for almost 9 years now. I’m not sure how I can get over this kind of betrayal. I’ve given her everything, I’ve always provided for her, I was there for her family, I was there at her beck and call and she paid me back by cheating on me and bringing another man into our house and worse of all, bringing another man’s child into our marriage. I’m just so hurt and I don’t know how to process it. I’m almost getting feelings of resentment towards my son and I don’t like how it’s making me feel. I know it’s not his fault but the pain is excruciating and I don’t know what to do. Am I being selfish? I don’t know what to do. Am I being selfish? I don’t know what to do.<br><br>**TL;DR:** I (28M) discovered my wife (27F) was unfaithful and that our son (5M) was not mine. She wants me to stay and is using our son to guilt trip me into staying.<br><br>EDIT: For those who are saying it’s my fault for not pulling out or wearing a condom, I used to have Crohn’s disease and the medication I was on made it impossible for me to have a condoms as it used to give me so many sores so I couldn’t have sex with a condom as the friction was too much. I used to have very bad impotent episodes for years due to the condition I had. My doctor explicitly warned me me not to come close to a woman without protection because of my condition. Even though I wore condoms, it was too much and I suffered from bad impotence. Once I got my condition somewhat under control, my doctor said I could try having sex without a condom and I could use just birth control. My wife had severe migraines and was on birth control. I was young when we were together so I didn’t think too much of it. We also never had any other partners before each other. All of these reasons combined made me too trusting and too young to suspect she was cheating on me with someone else.<br><br>UPDATE: I’ve decided to go through with the divorce and I’ll be seeking full custody. I understand this may seem controversial to some but part of the reason I’m doing this is because my wife isn’t stable enough to take care of our son. I’m not saying she’s a bad mother but she has a history of mental illness and I genuinely worry she will neglect our son. She has a history of mental breakdowns and I will not stand idly by while she neglects my son. She is not stable enough to bring up a child on her own, especially a child who isn’t hers. I have spoken to my family and they have said while they won’t support me fully excluding her from our son’s life, they have said they will support me in seeking full custody.<br><br>As for those asking how my son is not mine yet I had sex with his mother, please get educated. It’s called cases of paternity where a woman gets impregnated by another man *before* having sex with her current partner and the other man’s sperm is still inside and is capable of impregnating her. My wife’s infidelity took place over the course of 3 years and the last time she was with him was 2 months before our son was born. I *did* have sex with her in between while she was having an affair but her lover’s sperm was already inside her and was still potent enough to impregnant her. This is why the DNA test I did for my son showed no match at all to mine or my family’s.<br><br>I also spoke to my wife last night and urged her to seek professional help. She broke down crying and apologised profusely for her actions and said she wasn’t in the right mind when she did what she did. I said seeking help was meaningless if she wasn’t going to use the help productively and stop making excuses for herself. I told her she needed to stop making excuses and using our son to guilt trip me into staying and that if she really wanted to make amends, she needed to start being honest with herself and everyone else. She’s agreed to get help and I’ve said I’ll support her in getting help but the divorce is still going ahead. I will also seek full custody of my son. I have also said that once the divorce is settled, we can arrange a meeting with her lover so we can all come to some kind of resolution. She has agreed.<br><br>Thanks to everyone who has commented and reached out to me with their support and advice.