I don't want to be a dad, but I desperately want to be a dad.

I don't want to be a dad, but I desperately want to be a dad. I want to be a dad as desperately as I do not want to be a dad. Her parents didn't love her. They didn't want to be parents. They stop raising her when she turned 7 years old. She was pregnant at 18 and didn't know at the same time. She lost the baby. I made her cry and I don't know how to apologize.