I'm traumatized and have no one to talk to.

I'm in tears writing this. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 2 years and 4 months, and he has been with me through all of 2023. In the past 2 weeks; I've lost my best friend of 10 years, my dad, and my dog that was like my child.<br><br>My best friend was the first to die, but it's the circumstances of her death that's the traumatizing part. I'm not gonna go into details here as I don't feel comfortable sharing it with total strangers. But I will say that she was murdered. She was one of the strongest people I've ever met but also traumatized. She was the best friend I've ever had, but also the most difficult. Part of me feels guilty for saying that, but it's the truth. I can't say that she was my best friend and then paint her as an angel because that would be lying and disrespecting the complexity of her personality.<br><br>After her death, I became suicidal and had a mental breakdown 2 days later. I was hospitalised but I'm back home now; I'm taking medication and I'm seeing a therapist. My boyfriend stayed with me the whole time, and has been by my side, making sure I'm okay, and even cooking for me. I don't know how I would've coped without him. I'm still heartbroken that my best friend is dead; I miss her so much that it really does feel like a part of me is gone.<br><br>My dad died last week due to a brain hemorrhage. I was given less than a week's notice that he was ill. The final days with him were horrible and I'm still in shock. I feel like I'm dreaming. I keep expecting him to show up at the door, smile, and then go back to doing whatever he was doing.<br><br>My dog died 2 days ago. His health suddenly deteriorated and he died within 24 hours. I was in shock after my dad's death and I'm still in shock from losing my dog. I'm in a lot of pain but the grief has been numbed, and the only thing I can feel is emptiness.<br><br>My therapist has been telling me to lean on my support system, but the 3 people I trusted the most to support me have all died. The main people that are left are my boyfriend, my mum, and my sister. My boyfriend has been amazing but I don't feel comfortable talking to him about certain things. My mum and sister both have a lot on their plate as well; they need their own space and time to grieve. And so I'm just alone, with no one to talk to. I can't go outside because people judge me for crying in public; sometimes people even ask me what's wrong, and I don't know what to say.<br><br>I just want to talk to someone, anyone, about what's going on, and I have no one. I've been feeling so alone even though my boyfriend is next to me. It's not his fault; I just miss my best friend. I wish I could go outside without feeling so alone.