I’m afraid to come out as bi to my ex-wife, even though she is as well

My (ex)wife and I got married 10 years ago. Both of us were each other’s first for pretty much everything. <br>I knew that she identified as bisexual, and I remember there being conversation about polyamory. I was obviously a little concerned, but did my best to put that aside to support her and believe that it was gonna work. After a few years though, there would be many times she’d be telling me to just go out and have sex with other women, and that would even escalate to her sending photos of herself with another man to try to get me to act on that. I guess it was more of a push and pull type thing, but it did end up with her cheating on me with a guy that was just an old friend to her, and then we separated. After we separated she would call me up and tell me that she was just trying to get me to leave, because she had been wanting to end it but didn’t want to break my heart. That she was just trying to get me to end it instead.<br><br>I just recently found out she’s engaged, so that’s been hard for me. She was the last woman I slept with (other than when we were together), and I guess I just wish we could’ve had more, but I just can’t seem to get past the pain. I know in this day and age it’s pretty common to have a lot of sex and to have open relationships, but that’s just not something I’ve ever been comfortable with. I’m just really romantic, and I value the intimacy that comes with it.<br><br>Been doing a lot of soul searching, and I figured that even if it’s not for her or romantic purposes, I would like to explore my own bisexuality. I’ve always been really timid about expressing attraction to men though, because I can’t seem to be able to put into words just how I feel, and I don’t want to be perceived as gay, because I have been mocked for it in the past. But anyway, I guess what I’m saying is that even though she cheated on me, I still respect her as a person and even though I know it’s not possible, sometimes I wish we could’ve had it all. I know there’s no chance we could ever be together again, so I don’t want her to think I’m expressing my attraction to her in a way that would lead her to believe I wanted to be together. I mostly just hate the idea of hurting her.