AITA for telling my SIL that I wouldn't let her into my home until she gets her shit together?

I am having trouble with my brother and SIL and I am feeling like an asshole. <br><br>My brother and SIL have 3 kids 8,6 and 4. My SIL is a stay at home mom and my brother works from home as a remote software engineer. <br><br>Up until 18 months ago we were all extremely close. We would take vacations together, have sleep overs and see each other multiple times a week. I am the oldest of 5 siblings and a majority of us live in the same city. We are all close but I was especially close with this brother. <br><br>We had a disagreement over the parents and her FB post got to the extended family and it caused a huge fight. The extended family blamed me for the fight and for my brother and SIL's decision to move away from everyone. They moved states away to be near her family. <br><br>We eventually made up. My brother and SIL moved into a new home and we made plans to visit. However, they backed out at the last minute and said that they won't be ready until after the holiday season. We made plans again for March and they agreed to meet us at a park and then at a restaurant. However, they backed out at the last minute. This went on for 3 times and we started to get suspicious. <br><br>A week ago I was on FB and saw a post that my SIL posted of my brother passed out drunk and surrounded by liquor and woe is me. This post went on to say that she is tired of being treated like a nag and that she's not his mother. <br><br>We decided that we needed to know what was going on. So my husband and I decided to show up at her door step. We walk in the front door and our jaw hit the ground. The house was a mess. There were dirty dishes everywhere. Stacked up in every room. The kitchen sink was full of dirty dishes and there was trash everywhere. <br><br>We found SIL sitting on the floor in a diaper drinking out of a sippy cup. I asked her wtf and she told me that the kids want her to be a baby so she can play with them and that she's just having a few days. <br><br>The kids were dirty. They looked like they hadn't had a bath in a week. She told me that she's been having a hard time getting anything done because the kids are fighting her and that she's tired. <br><br>I lost it. I told her to get her shit together. Feed and bath her kids and stop playing baby and acting like a bitch. I told her that she's being lazy and needs to get her shit together. <br><br>My husband and I spent the entire day and night there. We cleaned, did laundry, cooked, bathed the kids and fed them a meal. We even took them to the park for a couple of hours. I told my SIL that I wouldn't let her in my home until she can prove that she's got her shit together. <br><br>My brother called and asked if we could come over for dinner and I told him no. I told him that we wouldn't be over until he can prove that they're doing better. <br><br>My brother called back a few hours later and yelled at me. Telling me that I have no right to tell his wife what to do. I told him that as long as she's neglecting the kids I have every right. He told me that I'm being a huge bitch and that I need to mind my own business. <br><br>The extended family is splitting. Some blaming me some blaming them. I don't care I just care about my nieces and nephews. <br><br>AITA<br><br>EDIT: Thank you all so much for the kind words and awards. You all are helping me get through this. My SIL is getting help and my brother is getting help for his drinking. They just moved back into their old house and are working on getting back on track. Thank you all for all the advice.