I never was feminist until.......one day

I was never a feminist. I was raised in a "democratic patriarchy" were men and women just...coexist as humans. Sure, I noticed inequality but I thought it was just part of the fauna,we should let some bulls grow big balls, bulls need to be bulls, kind of thought process. Sure, we have laws but let's not rock the boat, right? Patriarchy is not that bad, not bad enough to worry,we have just as many rights.<br><br>Then...a day, i went to a party with 2 of my good male friends, we drank, had fun and then.......one of my male friends grabbed me and dragged me to an empty house. He raped me, he didn't use condoms and the condom was still in his pocket.......He didn't do it in anger, he wasn't even drunk, he did it because...he could? He was my friend, not a blind date, not some random stranger, a friend we've had for 2 years. The idea of me, his good "_friend "_ of 2 years "_consenting" never even crossed his mind. He even told me I should be thanking him for it, as I am an ugly woman and "_no man will ever touch you" "_You're ugly, you're a disappointment to men, be thankful I'm giving you "_pleasure"".<br><br>I "_fought back" but of course an average 5ft4 woman of 130 pounds is no match to an average 5ft10 male of 165 pounds. He just laughed at me, just..._laughed_ at me. I was not a human being to him. I was just...an object, an ugly object he has been "_generous" enough to touch.<br><br>After that day I never was the same again. Something inside me broke, I felt like I've been given permission to look at the world "_for what it is". I started to notice inequality everywhere,how women were treated, how men treated women as objects,how women "_refereed" to other women as objects,how both men and women treated ugly women as objects,how the world punished us for aging, for being an uglies, for being _women_.<br><br>The only thing I'm thankful for is the miracle of me, somehow, not getting pregnant.......but I always tell myself............what if I was? What if I was forced to become a mother, what if my friend was "_generous" enough to give me his "_gift" of procreation?.........Would I have..._killed myself? I truly don't know. I truly "_don't know" if I would have chosen death by my own hands or would I have chosen to painfully carry an ugly, unwanted pregnancy to the end.......to painfully give birth to a child that I will have to..._share with my rapist? I don't know if I would have been strong enough to do "_both" kill myself and not kill an innocent child "_at the same time".......Honestly, not a single day goes by without me thinking about this topic, not a single day goes by without me...asking myself those questions "_over and over".........<br><br>I never was a feminist until that day.......Now I'm not just a feminist, I'm a misandrist as well.