I ghosted my dad who is dying of cancer and I don't feel bad.

My dad has been absolute trash his whole life. He has never put anyone before him and has only used people for his own gain. He is very toxic and has a big drinking problem. I have literally never been to one of his houses where there isn't empty alcohol bottles everywhere. <br><br>When I was little he was never around and would always say he was coming on my birthday and never came. I would cry for hours and then he would promise me he would be there the next week and he would bail on me again. I went years not seeing him. He also never paid child support for me, I had to tell him if I wanted him to pay me as he never did it in the first place. I have felt like I'm not worthy of love from him and the only time he messages me is when he needs something from me. <br><br>At the time when I was little he would tell me he had work, but I found out years later when he got in a fight that he was actually taking me out because he didn't want to see me. His alcohol addiction has caused so many problems and destroyed relationships with me, my mum, my brother and his ex fiancee. <br><br>He then had throat cancer and had a chunk of his tongue taken off and I didn't even find out about that until after and he didn't even tell me himself. <br><br>He then got cancer in the throat again and he called me and apologised for everything he's done in his life and wanted to make amends. I still stayed strong and said no because I know he will go back to his old ways. I've said that the only way he has a chance with me is if he goes to rehab, which he said he did and this was all on him without me knowing and I never got an update and he never actually went. <br><br>About a month ago he called me and said he is dying. Told me he has terminal cancer and explained how bad the situation is and told me he only has a few months left. He asked again to see him and I explained I am moving on with my life and there's no chance I want to see him. He told me he understands. <br><br>The truth is I don't feel bad and I'm moving on with my life. He has no one to blame but himself.