I finished my master's degree and I bought my dream car

I'm an odd member of this sub. I'm an odd member even by the definition of the word. I'm an extremely odd and quirky person.<br>A good example was my very first post on this sub, the post in which I described how I got my dream car, a 2003 Honda Civic EX coupe with a 5-speed manual transmission. <br><br>I bought it used in 2009 and have spent the past two years of my life restoring it to be an OEM clone of what it looked like when it first came off of the assembly line in 2003. <br><br>Why would anyone put that much effort into any car? Why not buy a new one? Why not even buy a prettier one? <br>Well, I think I'll have to give you more background as to why this car is my dream car to begin with. <br><br>I've always wanted to be a surgeon for as long as I can remember, but I've always known that I would be too busy in medical school to buy a car or drive it. I bought this car in 2009 because my parents wanted me to have it for college. <br><br>They come from a country with a difficult climate and difficult road conditions. The type of climate and road conditions in which cars don't even last long enough to be restored after 15 years. <br><br>We've always had Russian cars. They're easy to repair and maintain, cheap on gas, and extremely sturdy and dependable. But they're not the prettiest, easiest, or most enjoyable to drive. <br><br>In 2009 when I bought my Civic I was still manically depressed and anorexic. <br><br>Everything on my Civic was perfect and looked brand new at the time. I washed it every day. I waxed it, got oil changes, manically kept it in mint condition, and protected it like it was my child. <br><br>I loved how it even smelled. But I never appreciated it, not really. <br><br>I never even had a chance to. <br><br>Two months after I bought it, the economy crashed and my dad lost his job. I had to quit college and take two jobs to support my parents and siblings. I had to commute to each job in my car. But I was still driving it everywhere in pristine condition. <br><br>I was still a college student. I was supposed to be able to go on road trips and drive with my music blasting and the windows rolled down and laugh and scream and enjoy my early twenties. <br><br>I manically kept my car in mint condition for four years while I worked and took two jobs and commuted and tried to get back into college. I did manage to get back in, but only to drop out again after a nervous breakdown. <br><br>I manically kept my car in mint condition even when I was homeless and living in it. Even when I was in a psychiatric hospital and it was sitting on the street for months. Even when I had manically blown all of my student loan money on ridiculous things like very expensive make up and Mexican food and concert tickets to try to drown my depression. <br><br>Even when my father couldn't bear to look at it any longer because it reminded him of my failures. <br><br>That's why it's my dream car. <br><br>That's why I've spent the past couple of years restoring it to look the way it did when I bought it, the summer after I graduated high school. <br><br>That's why I will never sell it and I will drive it until the day I die. <br><br>That's why I will never buy a new car. <br><br>That's why it's the only thing in my life that I have ever loved, protected, and maintained. <br><br>That's why it's my only child. <br><br>I'm an odd person. I'm very quirky. I have lots of weird habits and obsessions. <br><br>I've spent the past couple of years dating and I've come to realize that I don't want to have a romantic partner or children or pets. <br><br>I come from a lower-middle class family and I've been on my own since I was 18. I've been homeless multiple times, done drugs, had one night stands, woken up in strange beds and houses and cities and countries, I've been to prison, I've been to war, I've been in combat, I've been a sex worker, I've worked in fast food and retail, I manically blew all of my student loan money and had to take out a number of sketchy private loans. <br><br>I've been manically depressed and anorexic since I was very young. I've been hospitalized many times and I've tried to kill myself multiple times and I've almost succeeded. <br><br>I became a nurse instead of a surgeon because I can't physically handle the fast pace of surgery and I can't handle the sight of blood anymore. <br><br>I love being a nurse, but I'm thinking of getting an EMT or CNA certification because even the hospital setting is too much for me. <br><br>I was never able to live in an apartment until I was 27. I've been working on fixing my dad's house instead. He sold it in December and I'm moving into a mobile home nearby. <br><br>I'm probably going to become even more of a hermit there. <br><br>I've never had a lot of friends and I'm very socially awkward. <br><br>I'm extremely lazy even though I have ADHD, and I'm very sensitive to stress and anxiety. <br><br>I don't even really have a reason to leave the house anymore except for work.<br><br>I used to have a very nice and expensive wardrobe. I used to be very beautiful. I'm 29 now and I look and feel old. <br><br>I weigh 130 lbs and I'm 5'8" and I have chronic pain and joint pain from anorexia. I have chronic migraines and chronic diarrhea and an extremely weak and compromised immune system and chronic bronchitis and chronic clogged sinuses. <br><br>I have asthma and even though my air quality is fine, I still have to use an inhaler 3 times a day. <br><br>I have chronic dry mouth even though my air quality is fine and I don't have a deviated septum or sleep apnea or any other breathing problem and I drink tons of water and caffeine. <br><br>I have chronic tinnitus, insomnia and very vivid nightmares. <br><br>I have oily skin and I'm allergic to just about everything, even some types of make up and shampoo and lotion. <br><br>I'm a girly girl and I love make up and fashion and I used to spend hours doing my hair and make up even though I have very fine and thin hair that's also very oily and dirty and it's very hard to style. <br><br>I have very easy to style eyes because they're hooded, but I also have very bad vision and dry lips. <br><br>I used to very easily have boys fall in love with me. Or even stalk me. Or send me threatening messages when I rejected them. <br><br>Now I'm almost 30 and I'm very overweight for my height and body type and I don't wear make up anymore and I'm manically depressed and anorexic and I have chronic pain and asthma attacks and I'm extremely socially awkward and I'm a socially anxious hermit and I don't have anything to offer anyone anymore. <br><br>I finished my master's and I got my dream car. <br><br>I bought it used in 2009, and even though it's almost 20 years old, I restored it to look brand new. <br><br>I love the way it smells and the way the light hits the dashboard. <br><br>I love how it handles and how it sounds. I love how it feels when I take it on the highway and the music blasts and the windows are rolled down and I feel the air. <br><br>I love how I feel manically invincible every time I drive it. <br><br>I love it more than I love myself. <br><br>It's the only thing that I have ever loved, protected, and maintained in my life. <br><br>It's the only thing that I've ever finished and succeeded at. <br><br>It's the only thing that makes me happy and feels worth manically defending and obsessing over. <br><br>It's the only thing that I will ever have and the only thing that I will ever need. <br><br>I'm an odd person. No one understands me. I'm a socially anxious hermit, a loner, someone that you've never met before and may never even meet again. <br><br>I don't have anything to offer anyone or anything. I'm worthless and useless and I will always be alone. <br><br>But I finished my master's degree and I got my dream car. <br><br>It's the only beautiful thing that I have ever accomplished manically in my life. <br><br>I'm an odd member of this sub. I'm an odd person. <br><br>I'm a very odd and quirky person and I will always be alone.