As a boy, I was gifted a magical golden cross. I never accepted it as a "Chirstian" artifact. I was going to be a master in the golden arts!...I was wrong.

##As a boy of 13, nothing excited me more than the golden arts. The golden ratio, Plato’s theory of forms, alchemy. It wasn’t until I turned 14 that I felt the calling to research demonology. I needed to understand what out there could possibly be accepted as “good”. Demons were not evil themselves, but the choices they made. They were like us. They just accepted the darkness more than humans, that’s all, was what I felt. I could show them a way out of darkness. I could show them the way of gold. The way of light. The way of perfection. I could be a hero. <br><br>One day I was gifted a golden cross encrusted with precious stones. I though boy boy boy boy boy this is the thing that I need. This is my ticket into the underworld. I could be a master of gold and golden arts. I could show all the demons the way of the gold and how to become alchemists themselves. I could show Demons the way of the golden ratio. My parents didn’t understand. They believed it was a gift from God. No. No! I was going to be a master demonoligest! I had found my calling. I named it Goldie. <br><br>I waited until I was 17 to try and make contact with a demon for the first time. I knew they could be dangerous, but I was armed with Goldie! Boy. Boy. I can’t explain what I saw. How can I explain what I saw. I was tranced. Then all of a sudden I felt cold, but not cold. Everything was just a haze. I was in the shadows. In a forest. In the dark. I was scared. I accepted this. I was fine, but boy was I scared. It was dark. It was nighttime. I felt my heart racing. I put my hand on my chest in order to calm myself. I looked down to see that boy…. My heart was gone. A golden cross encrusted with precious gemstones sat in my chest. I felt my mind race. I felt my head start to spin. I looked down at my hands, they were golden. I looked at my body, it was golden. I was gold. I was god. But what was I doing in the underworld. I didn’t have very much time to think. I heard rustling. I heard demons. I had to protect myself. So I accepted that to them, I am God. I was God. I am God. This must be my path. This is what I was meant for. They started to gather. They were all in awe of me, just like humans. I knew this boy. I know this boy. I have been here before. I don’t know when, but I have been here. They started to circle. I could feel their eyes on me. I could feel their eyes in my skin. I felt naked. I felt cold. I was cold. I was dark. I was a demon. I accepted. <br><br>I heard a voice. Singing. A melodic voice. A boy. I felt my heart racing. I put my hand on my chest, but Goldie was gone. It was back in my pocket. I felt it. The voice was getting louder. The demons were parting. A boy was walking towards me. With golden hair. And golden eyes. And a golden voice. A melodic voice. A voice I knew. I felt my hands tremble. I felt my body tremble. I was afraid but I accepted. The boy with golden hair got closer. The demons were all still. They were all in awe. They were all afraid. The boy with golden hair boy got closer. The boy with golden hair got closer. The boy with golden hair got closer. I could see him fully. He was boy. A boy with blonde hair. And blonde eyes. And a blonde voice. No. A boy with golden hair. And golden eyes. And a golden voice. He just kept repeating a sentence. Over and over. I felt my heart racing. I put my hand on my chest, but Goldie was gone. It was back in my pocket. I heard boy…. “You are not a master of the golden arts. You are a slave to the golden cross!”. I felt my hands tremble. I felt my body tremble. I was afraid but I accepted. The boy with golden hair got closer. The demons were all still. They were all in awe. They were all afraid. I had never felt so afraid. I had never felt so excited. The boy with golden hair got closer. The boy with golden hair got closer. The boy with golden hair got boy got closer. The boy with golden hair got closer. And then he was right in front of me. He was a boy. A blonde boy. With blonde hair. And blonde eyes. And a blonde voice. No. A boy with golden hair. And golden eyes. And a golden voice. He stopped singing. I heard nothing. The demons were silent. I was silent. There was nothing but silence. The boy with golden hair. And golden eyes. And a golden voice put his hand on my face. He looked me dead in the eyes. I felt my heart racing. I put my hand on my chest, but Goldie was gone. It was back in my pocket. I looked boy…. I looked into his eyes. I felt his golden eyes. On my boy eyes. I felt his hands on my boy skin. I felt his breath on my boy breath. I heard nothing. I heard nothing but gold. I was gold. I am gold. And the boy boy golden hair. And golden boy eyes. And a golden boy voice said “You are not a master of the golden arts. You are a slave to the golden cross!”. Then he kissed me. His lips felt like gold. I felt gold. My boy lips felt like gold. I was boy. My boy lips felt like gold. I felt a cross encrusted with precious gemstones enter my boy lips. I was boy. I was boy. My heart was racing. I put my hand on my chest, but boy…. My heart was gone. A golden cross encrusted with precious gemstones sat in my chest. And then I was gone. <br><br>I awoke in the hospital. I had no recollection of how I got there. I saw a white light before I went to sleep. I had a tube in my mouth. I couldn’t speak. My parents were crying. My grandparents were crying. My whole family was crying. I started to cry. They all started to cheer up. I had no recollection of how I got there. I saw a white light before I went to sleep. I tried to remember. I had no recollection of how I got there. I saw a white light before I went to sleep. I tried to remember. I had no recollection of how I got there. I saw a white light before I went to sleep. I tried to remember. I had no recollection of how I got there. I saw a white light before I went to sleep. I tried to remember. I had no recollection of how I got there. I saw a white light before I went to sleep. I tried to remember. I had no recollection of how I got there. I saw a white light before I went to sleep. I tried to remember. I had no recollection of how I got there. I saw a white light before I went to sleep. I tried to remember. I had no recollection of how I got there. I saw a white light before I went to sleep. I tried to remember. I had no recollection of boy…. <br><br>I am currently in a boy psychward. Have been for 3 months. My boy boy boy mind races. I can’t boy…. I boy…. I can’t boy….. I boy. They say I was possessed. They say I was possessed! Ha! I accepted. I accepted. I am not possessed. I am a demon. No. A boy boy boy. I am a boy. My parents visited. They say I am not the same. No! I am a master of the golden arts. I am a master of the golden boy boy boy arts boy…. No. No no no. I am a slave. A slave to the golden cross! No no no. I am a boy. <br><br>I don’t know what date it is. But I am writing this now. This is all I have written on this topic. I don’t know how to end. I don’t know how to boy…. I just know I have to get out. I have to find that boy with golden hair. And golden eyes. And a golden voice. I have to ask him some questions. I have to ask myself some questions. I am not a demon. No. I am a boy. And I don’t know who I am.