My 2 sons are 20 years old and 14 years old. I am afraid that the older one is gonna beat up the younger one if he finds out he is gay.

First things first. I didn't raise my sons. Their grandmother and grandfather did and they have very "traditional" views let's call it. They always told me not to go and see them because I was too busy with work. Ever since the pandemic I was at home more often and I went to go visit them and it was like a huge culture shock. I didn't recognize either of them. For a long time I felt guilty that I didn't spend enough time with them. I felt like I failed as a mother so I tried to be more involved with them. 2 years ago the maternal grandparents were in a car accident and are now disabled for life and can't take care of the kids. So they moved in with me. To tell you the truth it's been difficult. I feel like I failed as a mother and I don't know how to connect with them. I still feel like a stranger to them. I'm trying though. For the last 2 years I've been trying. It's hard though. We don't know each other. I was watching one of these videos online and it said something like motherchild bond can't be broken. It's not true. I feel like I failed to provide for 2 of my sons. And a lot of it is my fault. I didn't know that the younger one was gay. You'd think that a mother knows everything about her son. But I don't. I didn't even know he liked boys. He came out 2 months ago and it made me feel bad and guilty because I had no idea. He is very shy and keeps to himself. We didn't have a close relationship but after he came out, I made a lot of efforts to connect with him. I learned everything I needed to know, I took him to Pride events. It was so much fun. It felt like we were really bonding and I felt like I finally had my place as his mother. And for this first time in 2 years it felt like he was mine and I finally was a mother. And I learned more about him. I know he is afraid that his brother will find out. I know because the way he talks about him. He doesn't say it outright but he's afraid and so am I. I am 39 years old and the boys' father is not in the picture. We were married for a year and he cheated on me. I divorced him. I got full custody of the kids. He didn't contest it. He didn't want to be a father. He has a new family now. I'm glad I got rid of him. Even if I didn't raise my sons, I'm proud of the people they are. For the last 2 years, I have been trying to get closer to them. It's been a very difficult road and it's not over yet. I still feel like they are strangers to me. I don't know if it will change. I made a mistake and I'm trying to make up for it. It's not easy. I'm tired of feeling guilty. I want my sons to feel loved and I have been trying. I'm not giving up on them. For the last 2 years I have done everything I could to make up for it, and for the first time it felt like I was a mother. Until yesterday. I have this fear and I don't know what to do. 2 weeks ago my older son went to stay with his girlfriend for a week and my younger son told me a lot of things I didn't know about him, things he has never said to me before. It was the first time he talked about the bullying he suffered as a child. I can't help but wonder how much more I don't know about him. Yesterday my older son came back and the younger one clammed up. I was talking about my day to him and he just shrugged. He was back to being shy and not talking to me. I tried to ask him what's up but he didn't talk. I tried to bring up the subject we were discussing the day before and he said he was tired. He is very afraid of his brother. And I don't know what to do. I think he maybe thinks that I called my older son and told him and that's why he is so afraid. I didn't and I tried to tell him that. He doesn't believe me. I am so lost and I don't know what to do. I feel guilty that I didn't spend time with them and now I feel guilty that my older son might hurt my younger son. I am really afraid that he will hurt him. But I am also afraid that if I tell my younger son to leave he will feel unwanted. He doesn't deserve that. I don't want him to feel unwanted and rejected by me and the only family he has. And I'm afraid that if I take my younger son's side my older son will never speak to me again. I am really afraid that he will hurt him. But I don't know what to do. I feel so guilty. I don't want my younger son to feel unwanted. He doesn't deserve that. I will probably post an update in a few days or weeks. I don't know.