From the /c/Drugs community on Chambers

I’ve had a few bad MDMA experiences after using it recreationally for years, but this one was really rough. The hardest struggle was the Inner turmoil as it triggered my past traumas that had been buried deep inside me. It might sound stupid, but it’s a lesson I won’t forget. **The Ordeal Begins** I usually buy my drugs from a friend of a friend. In order to make a profit and get a better buzz, he likes to add Anxiety pills to the MDMA. I add Klonopin to the pills to get rid of the anxiety, and that combination makes me feel high and good. One day, he decided to sell a newer version of these pills. He assured me that the Anxiety pills were changed and that I didn’t need Klonopin anymore. He assured me that the new pills were pure and didn’t contain any Anxiety meds. He also assured me that he tried them himself and felt good. I bought a few pills and took them at a club. However, I felt nothing but anxiety. I took more pills, and as the dose increased, my anxiety grew worse. I was really scared, and my anxiety was through the roof. I couldn’t dance anymore, so I went outside. I kept thinking about death, and I had the worst feeling in my life. I called my mom and told her how bad I was feeling. She asked if I could get home safely, and I told her my situation. She said that she couldn’t help me, and I should stay safe at the club until I felt better. I was desperate and I knew that I had Klonopin at home. I got a ride home, and when I arrived, I took the Klonopin. It took a few hours for me to calm down, but I still felt awful. I decided to sleep it off. **The Real Nightmare Begins** I slept until around 1pm and when I woke up and as the MDMA started to kick in, I felt the worse — Burnt anxiety that I had never felt before. My hands were shaking and I couldn’t stop crying. I looked myself in the mirror, and it was like looking at a stranger. I couldn’t recognize myself anymore. At that time, I had no idea what was happening to me as I had never felt that way before. I felt like I was losing my mind and burning. My hands were still shaking, and I kept crying. I was terrified because I didn’t know how to stop it. Burnt anxiety is something nobody should ever feel. It’s unbearable. I called my mom again, and told her how I was feeling. I told her I couldn’t stop crying and that I was terrified. She said that it was probably the MDMA and that I should wait it out. I called my friend and told him everything as he had sold me the pills. He didn’t believe me and insisted that the pills didn’t have Anxiety meds in them. He suggested that I might have taken something else and that I should wait it out. Imagine being in a situation like that, and people you cared about weren’t there for you. I was alone, terrified and feeling burnt. **A Terrible Trip** I was crying as I looked at myself in the mirror and it triggered my past traumas. I remembered everything. I remembered how my childhood was stolen from me and how I was never allowed to be alone. I remember my mother forcing me to be a girl and making me her doll. I remembered how lonely and sad I felt as a child. I had no friends and I never felt like a normal child. I remembered how I felt after my mother went through my social media accounts. I remembered how I felt so humiliated that she saw everything. I remembered how I felt when she saw my gay porn videos. I remembered how humiliated I felt. I remembered how I felt when my mother cut my hair and took away everything that I loved. I remember how I cried. I remembered how I felt when she locked my door and took away my phone. I remembered how lonely and sad I felt. I remembered how I hurt myself. I remembered how I felt so broken as my mother saw me bleeding and still locked my door. I remembered how I felt when she saw the marks on my body. I remembered how she told me to wear long sleeves to cover them. I remembered how I felt when my friends at school saw the marks on my body. I remembered how humiliated I felt. I remembered everything. I remembered how I felt so broken, sad and lonely. I remembered how I felt when my mother told me to grow my hair long again. I remembered how I felt so humiliated and sad. I remembered how I felt when my mother watched me showering. I remembered how humiliated I felt. I remembered how I felt when I ran away. I remembered how scared I was. I remembered everything. As I remembered all these things, my pain and sadness grew. I was crying uncontrollably as the burnt anxiety was still there. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I saw a burnt gay boy with Anxiety. I was really scared and I didn’t know what to do as the anxiety was so strong. I called my mom again and told her how burnt I felt, and how I felt so scared. She said that she couldn’t help me and I should wait it out. I was alone, scared and crying. **The End of my Ordeal** I was crying and lying in bed as the burnt anxiety was still unbearable. I had no idea what to do as my past traumas were still haunting me. I remembered that my therapist once told me that Meditation is a great way to cope with stress and anxiety. He told me to sit comfortably, relax, and focus on my breath. I sat in bed, and tried to do what I was told to do. I relaxed and focused on my breath. I also tried to distract myself by looking at my surroundings. It took a few hours for me to calm down. The burnt anxiety was still there, but it was bearable. I had learned a lesson. I learned that sometimes the bad things we go through can be triggered when we are burnt or high, and no matter what our situations are, we can find ways to feel better. Byron Katie said, “The mind is a lot like a parachute. We can’t look to others to save us from our painful thoughts.” What I learned was that it’s okay to ask for help, but at the end of the day, we are the only ones who can save ourselves — We have the power to control our minds. I learned that when we are burnt, Meditation is a great way to cope with stress and anxiety — Focusing on our breaths, relaxing, and distracting ourselves from our painful thoughts. We have the power to control our minds. We have the power to feel better. We have the power to save ourselves. I hope this helps. Thank you for reading. Edit 1: Thank you so much for the rewards. I really appreciate it. ❤️ Edit 2: Thank you all for your support. I really appreciate your kind words. ❤️

The worst MDMA experience of my life — Burnt Anxiety, Inner turmoil, and Terrible trips

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